STUPID FREAKING JAILBREAK.

I just upgraded to iOS 5 today. And it was going all hunky-dory so I decided to try and jailbreak my phone with Redsn0w. But thank you, you stupid, dumb jailbreak app. You made my phone crash.

And now I have to resync all THREE HUNDRED applications. Not to mention my THOUSAND FIVE SONGS as well. Which I can't do, because I don't have my hard disk. What the hell.

Stupid Apple.

12 days since my last post, nothing much new.

It's less than a week to the start of my prelims, and I'm not doing much studying. It's pretty irritating but I guess I'll have to buck up soon. Starting with after lunch.

Singing backup vocals without playing piano for the first time, I think it's gonna be pretty fun hahaha hope my voice doesn't die on me!

Okay time to get whatever random stuff I want done on the computer quickly before lunch because after lunch it's lockdown time.

Argentine Tango on Sunday was really really fun, even though it was pretty darn awkward dancing with a roomful of girls and changing partner every few minutes. But haha after getting the steps I realize it wasn't that weird after all! Really really can't wait for lyrical jazz on Saturday night.

Dinner after that at the Bedok interchange coffeeshop, had the usual mutton soup, sugar cane juice, tang yuan combo haha then off to Udders with Fel/Roo/Mabel/Bryan/Victor! Their Baileys and Bourbon ice cream is really very very good (:

Home at like 11 plus, kind of late but completely worth it.

---

The horrible feeling's coming back. I'm starting to look behind my back at every turn, worried that somebody else is going to freak out and die off in my life once again. Thanks for reassuring me that just because someone doesn't reply my messages means they're irritated with me, Rebecca. I needed someone to tell me that. :\

And to be honest the worst part about this is that I don't know what I can do about it, because I fear that whatever I do it'll just come across the wrong way to whoever the other party is.

I get so tired and sick of this sometimes I just want to cast off all control and shout a big fat vulgarity at the world, but I don't know why I keep trying. The result, a splitting headache. Sigh how is this worth it?

God, I need You. But at the same time, Lord, would You please send some kind soul to just walk my walk with me? I need to know that somebody will be there no matter what I do to just tell me when I've done wrong and help me along. Won't You please send somebody?

---

Everything's swirling around in my head I don't know where it started and where it will end. And it's definitely affecting my studies, I can tell. Best. If it weren't A level year I really wouldn't be so worried. Sadly enough, it is.

And today I only completed one Economics essay. ): My life sucks. I can't study at home for nuts and nobody wants to go study with me outside. Seriously.

I just have to keep my hopes up that my planned study partner for Friday is free. She's so busy now with preparations for prelims and whatnot, I can't blame her at all. Oh well.

Resign~

Just got home from badminton! Today was such a weird day. I can't think of a better word, to be honest.

So I met Leroy at Pasir Ris library and we walked over to the badminton hall together. Turns out at first we were the only two youths there O_O Thank God Mabel, Bryan and jie turned up later on so it wasn't that boring. I think I played pretty well today (: Although I play quite little.

Slacking at Macs after was fun too. Mabel Ang is so funny when she plays bridge. Like she doesn't have a clue what's going on but somehow she always manages to win. Innate abilities eh?

School's resuming tomorrow after such a long break; I realize I haven't done much this 5 days and to be honest I'm quite worried. But that worry isn't translating into action.

I promised God I'll talk to Him later, and I will. I wanna try and be serious with this relationship~

Goodnight, blogosphere. It was nice talking to you again (: Here's a video to keep you company.



I'll sing to glorify Your holy name;

Nah I was wrong I'm still an insecure retard.

But I'll be working towards it.

CROSSTraining was today, wasn't too bad sitting around at the viewing gallery not doing anything but reading chemistry. But I realize that I'm a LOT more suited to throwing it down than sitting around watching people get thrown down. Looks like a life of camp group leading for me instead of camp committee~

I wish people cared. But everything they do seems to point in the opposite direction.

Gotta go for dinner now, I know it's a bit late! I shall work on this post later tonight. Goodbye!

Festival of Praise was brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.

I felt myself go through a complete overhaul those two days. From an insecure awkward guy to a person empowered through the grace of God.

The worship was just amazing, thank God for His blessing upon bands like New Life Worship. Really brought the roof down in praising Him.

And John Bevere -- what a talented speaker! It's hard to imagine that he was this lousy-with-English-and-couldn't-write-to-save-his-life kid when he was younger. I really drew a lot of lessons from his sermon, the most important one being that grace is the empowerment of God, not just His salvation. And we can draw on this grace only by having faith.

It's really cool how he can think of so many ways to package just one message. And I'm so glad I took notes because there is no way I could've remembered by just listening~ (:

I make a covenant with Him today -- I will not go back to my old ways.

---

Leading worship was a pretty darn cool experience. I mean it was weird at the same time because I didn't expect to get thrust into all 4 songs directly but Isaac had a bad throat so just tank la! God was with me anyway (:

I think I started off okay but as my voice got tired/throat became dry everything became a little pitchy cause I couldn't really hit the high notes anymore, but oh well.

I didn't feel that awkward with a piano in front of my at all! I mean, my attention was split like, four-way between the scores, the keys, the congregation and God, but I think I managed to pull through? I always thought I couldn't play and sing at the same time. I revise that statement to I can't play complicated melodies and sing at the same time (:

But thank you EVERYBODY for the encouragement! Audrey, Rachel, Isaac, Ken, Graham, Sheldon (lol decent), Sam, Becky, Jeslyn, Kyle, Liang Jie, Enoch and Jessica. Made my day, it did (:

Sigh that familiar, yet contemptible feeling is back. That feeling of paranoia, of fear, of anxiety, that everybody around me sees me for the piece of crap I really am. I absolutely loathe this feeling.

I look around me, and all I see are judging stares. Not the approval of friends, not the caring eyes of loved ones. Just judgement, dislike and disappointment.

I so badly want this feeling to disappear. But no matter how hard I pray, how much I try to think about other things, these doubts always come back to haunt me. The failures of my past, the relationships that have fallen by the wayside, broken and hurting. And they're a part of who I am, I can't just take them by the collar and throw them out. I wish I could, but I can't.

It seems like I have a really bad habit of destroying friendships just when they're about to mature. It's somewhat a recurring theme in this tragedy that's my life. Every time something seems to be going well, I just have to get that sense of paranoia and become all clingy and shit. But idk how to change it's happened so many times I'm sick and tired of it but I'M TRAPPED and I don't know what to do! I need somebody's help...

I know God's able to help me with everything, but I can't seem to hear Him, even though I know He hears me.

My love languages are quality time, and encouragement. I hardly ever get any of those... All the lonely meals I've had, all the times spent on my own, they strangle me.

I really want to try the invisibility test one day. Just disappear from the face of the earth for a couple of days and see who notices. I have a bad feeling nobody will. And that just makes me so f@#$ing sad.

Really, who cares, in this world?

---

Jie, if you're reading this, chances are it's cause I told you to. I hope it kind of explains how I'm feeling, and I really hope you'll talk to me after this. I know it was dumb and insane of me to suddenly get angry with you the other night but I'm in a shitload of trouble and all the emo messages the other day was merely the tip of the iceberg.

---

http://youtu.be/pImjE6bpFsI

Is anybody listening,
Can you hear me when I call,
I'm shooting signals in the air,
cause I need somebody's help.
I can't make it on my own,
so I'm giving up myself;
Is anybody listening, listening...

Okay something highly irritating happened in school, ergo I am posting this emergency blogpost.

So I went to chemistry class today having done my Group II tutorial and then I realize that I'm supposed to do the chemistry practical. So when the teacher asks why I didn't do my tutorial I raised my hand. Naturally he asked me why I didn't do it so I said that I didn't know. He asks me what I planned to do seeing as I didn't do my homework and I said 'if you send me out then I'll miss the whole class which defeats the whole purpose' and he just becomes a major doucherated bag and says that's just a convenient excuse. -.- then he storms out of class leaving the whole thing uncompleted.

Sigh it was so freaking irritating I tore up my planning tutorial zzz.

Okay that's it I'm done.

I came across one of the saddest sights in my life today. It really made my heart just plummet.

So I was walking home after dinner with Mabel, Dinah, LZ and Hayden, going across the overhead bridge that connects Tampines to Pasir Ris. I was walking up the slope when I walked past this elderly man limping slowly.

At first I didn't have that much of a thought for him, but for some reason I stopped walking and turned around. And that's like the moment when you're torn in between wanting to help someone and holding back for fear of insulting that person's capabilities.

In the end, asking WWJD really helped, so I went back down the slope and asked him if he was okay. He said he was fine, just a bit short of breath, which was normal. So I wished him well and walked away. But that unsettled feeling still lingered, and I continued to watch him amble slowly. When he got to the overhead bridge he stopped again to catch his breath. And I realized that I should get down there and see if I could do anything.

But when I got there he said he was alright. Looked a bit shocked to see me again, but told me that his breathlessness was a very normal condition and he was just on his way home. Then he thanked me.

So, that was all I could do I guess? Just continued to watch him walk up the overheard bridge's ramp and praying that he'd be alright.

That short happening made me realize some stuff -- I will never ever leave my parents to fend for themselves. Seriously, at 11pm, there's this one elderly guy walking home, limping home, with a walking stick in his hand, and not a single relative in sight? For shame, indeed.

I felt so sorry for him, and I just told myself, I won't let my parents suffer the same fate.

Keep that guy in your prayers guys. Pray for the elderly, for those who've sacrificed so much to teach us their ways, only for our ways to cloud our memories of them and cast them onto the wayside.

And today was the day of reckoning.

I feel really lousy and crappy now cause of what I've done. And every part of me just wants to go back and erase myself. I mean, I knew that there was always the chance I would get found out but sigh, I didn't expect to feel so bad about it.

I guess it's a good thing? Shows that there's still some human in me even though there's so much sin and devilish crap. Or maybe humanity is the sin and devilish crap and that conscience and bad feeling is God speaking through the fog. I don't know, but I sure hope it is.

Or maybe, just maybe, I'm being self-centered and only focusing on myself. I really hope nothing bad comes out of this. Sigh God forgive my folly and give me the strength to face the consequences. I don't wanna fall down and stay down, so help me up please.

Update soon bye.

---

I have no friends. All the ones I thought were friends were paper dolls blown away by the wind, dissolved by the rain, burnt by all the fire in my life.

Yay first time blogging off my iPhone!

Nothing happening for Civics class so we're basically just slacking, sigh. Oh well makes for a good time to blog haha. There's Silat stiff going on later in the afternoon and I forgot to bring my PE sigh. And since buying a whole new set is quite a waste of money I guess I'll take the long ride home to get them haha.

Four more tutorials all in a row after this! Yet I'm already so tired and it's not even 9 haha what to do.

G'day folks (:

Gonna get owned for CTs yay.

Okay I guess it's time I posted after being MIA for so long. I'll start with replying my wonderful tagboard posters. Yes, that was sarcastic.

Lololol: dude you seriously ****ing suck, no friends and now even people flicking water at you. Haha. You are a penis 8=D

You're a jackass you know? Who the shit are you to say that I have no friends? I bet you're some sad no-lifer asshole who thinks he's cool just cause he hangs out with people who think they are cool. What a wannabe, idiot.

I don't need the approval of others for them to be my friends. If I need to lower myself to being a jackass in order to gain "friends", which I'm sure you have done, then I don't need those "friends". And I know for a fact that I have real friends. Friends who actually care what's going to happen to me, instead of friends that will disappear the moment you get into deep shit.

Good luck to you, you sound like you really need to find real friends.

kyle: man you just suck. get a hold of urself! stop emoing and wallowing in self pity. if ur sorry abt being hypocritical then STOP! and quit calling ppl weird bots they're just trying to be nice! no wonder ppl dun like u...

You sure as hell aren't Kyle. If you want to impersonate somebody at least do it on somebody that I might be fooled by? Otherwise you're just being plain stupid omg -.- I don't wallow in self-pity, fool. Not anymore. If you didn't realize, cause of that Neanderthal brain of yours, that was a prayer. So get lost from my conversation with God, alright?

Who the hell are you to judge me? I call people weird because they are weird, and they sure as hell aren't trying to be nice. I really wonder who's the hypocrite here, you know?

Get lost, the two of you. Complete utter rubbish -.-

---

Hello everybody okay no mood for blogging already only have flamers on my tagboard. Screw this shit la.

At least I'm going to Malaysia for like a week to visit relatives it's going to be quite fun (sans the hardcore mugging, haha).

Sigh I'm going to fail CT2s I have barely started and it's already week 3 D: -Dies-

Hi God.

I really need your help right now. I really can't do this on my own. I keep telling myself it'll be alright, it'll be okay, but no it never is. So God, I know I'm being extremely hypocritical and insincere but I need your help.

So please, God?

Thanks (:

Sigh today was damn irritating. Okay la, only one part. When I was minding my own business in the toilet cubicle some retards went and flicked water over the door. So irritating la! Not like I did anything to them -.- best part is that they knew me, I think. Idiots. Ugh.

Oh well post later bye!

Should I bother maintaining my tagboard? It's like rife with random spammers and weird bots. Ah well I'll get around to doing it #procrastinationking.

Anyway, sigh idk what's up with me nowadays. Everyday seems so aimless, so pointless. I NEED A REFRESHER. So next week, please pass quickly? I would appreciate it very very much (:

Okay going off to church now (although it's still quite early :O) Alright then ciao!

WE WE WE SO EXCITED.

CHACHI GONZALES RETWEETED ME! :D :D :D :D

Hello everybody!

This is my new dance hero/idol. Meet the one, the only... OLIVIA "CHACHI" GONZALES!!

For those of you who aren't too familiar with her, she's a member of i.am.Me crew competing in this season's America's Best Dance Crew! And well, she's only 15 so to be competing at that top level putting awesome performances week in week out is pretty amazing to me. So yes ALL THE BEST I.AM.ME AND CHACHI you completely inspire me! (:

---

RJC girls' soccer lost to MJC in the 3rd/4th placing match... ): On penalties some more, it was super heart wrenching la! Final score RJC 0 (1) - (3) 0 MJC. Oh well it was an AWESOME FIGHT RJC GIRLS' SOCCER TEAM GREAT JOB AM PROUD OF YOUUUUU!

Went to support Yu Ying for harmonica concert yesterday it really wasn't too bad!! So yes, congratulations Ng Yu Ying for handling yourself so well in the face of all the pressure and stuff. Another segment of your JC life is over! (And apparently you're happy that it is heh) but anyway now to focus on the final goal left. I'll be right there mugging my ass off with you and so will the whole class so let's do this! Ganbatte!

---

Okay customary video dedication... wonder what I should put.

I guess oldies are the best; I really love this song!

I'm glad we're on this one way street, just you and I.

I'm never gonna say goodbye,

Cause i never wanna see you cry

I swore to you my love would remain,

and i'll swear it all over again;

I'm never gonna treat you bad

cause I never wanna see you sad

I swore to share your joy and your pain,

and I'll swear it all over again;

Bye everybody! <3

If love is an ocean wide

We'll swim in the tears we cry

They'll see us through to the other side

We're gonna make it

When love is a raging sea

You can hold on to me

We'll find a way tonight

Love is an ocean wide

I do love that song so very very much. It just reminds me of how awesome true love is. But I still find myself asking where on earth I can find that, because right now it seems so hard and elusive.

But I guess it'll come sooner or later (:

Sorry I've been so MIA and not posting, I haven't really had the time/have been quite lazy recently. But ironically right, recently I also haven't been up to much, really just going through the motions of J2 life and going to school and coming back home tired and doing church stuff like I've always been doing.

I think my life is in need of a bit of direction right now, other than like the obvious studying for A levels. So yeah my prayer request this week is that I'll have direction in my life! (:

---

I saw this quote on Twitter recently -- two reasons why people change: either they have learned a lot, or they've been hurt too much. I think recently it's been much more of the latter for me. And I'm not sure if people realize but I think I've changed a lot recently. Becoming more introverted, definitely. Having a somewhat bleaker outlook on life? Stuff like that.

I hope, I wish, I pray that I can go back to how I was before because I liked where I was (in the good sense). I don't want to become this dour, stoic person who detaches himself from life because of whatever reason...

But at the same time I realize trying to be positive and thinking everything will work out all the time just doesn't cut it. It wears away your willpower layer by layer until you feel so worn and tired and you just want to give up. It's a horrible feeling, that every time you throw up this facade hoping to impact others and in the end it just gets discarded because nobody cares, nobody cares at all.

Sigh I really hope I can revert.

---

On a more studious note, I really should start studying properly now! It's only just over a month before my CT2s arrive and I don't want to do badly for them. I shall post all my June holiday commitments here and that shall be it. (:

27 - 29 May - Farmstay retreat

I'm really looking forward to this! And I said as much during today's prayer meeting but I don't know why everyone was so cynical about it... )': I'm really hoping to be refreshed during this time so yeah fingers crossed that it will be up to my expectations I guess! Looking forward to a time of relaxing and fellowship with my fellow leaders!

31 May - PW group BBQ

Just a shoutout to my PW groupmates -- I REALLY MISS YOU GUYS. I think like even though I'm not as close to all of you as maybe Leeni for example, the PW process really helped us grow as friends and I can count on you guys being there for me when I need you guys. I am so psyched LEGGO.

1 - 3 June - RMUN

Another awesome edition of RMUN coming up! I've seen the delegates in my council at the 2nd briefing and they do indeed look really really promising so here's to an awesome debate throughout the three days! Oh and, look forward to working with my juniors in my council too!

11 June - GDOP ushering

Never done ushering before so this'll be a completely new experience but I'm ready for it! (:

14 - 16 June - Track chalet

I HOPE MY MOM LETS ME GO FOR THIS ): It'll be the last proper thing we do as a track J2 team! <3 you guyssssss.

14 - 19 June - Malaysia visit

And yes finally trip back to Malaysia to visit relatives/celebrate my grandmother's birthday! (:

---

Alright, that's it from me today. This post is really quite long :O

Peace out (:

Sometimes I wish someone would say this to me;

Made a wrong turn, once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that's alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss 'No way, it's all good', it didn't slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated
Look, I'm still around

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You are perfect to me!

You're so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead
So complicated, look happy, you'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred... such a tired game
It's enough! I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same

Oh, pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You' are perfect to me

The whole world's scared so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in line, and we try try try, but we try too hard and it's a waste of my time
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair
Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time
Why do we do that? Why do I do that?

Why do I do that... ?

Yeah, oh, oh baby, pretty baby... !

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel
Like you're nothing, you are perfect to me
You're perfect, you're perfect!
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're are perfect to me...

Yup, why don't I have anyone who will tell me that?

I am so freaking tired of this shit.

Tell me, who out there really cares? Every single one of my "friends" has faded away. I've never felt more lonely in my life, seriously.

I'm not exaggerating when I say every single one of them. One by one they've just moved on. Like, now I have nobody to hang out with, nobody to talk to without having to look behind my back for back-stabbers. They're all gone.

And the best part is I don't even know why I feel this way! It's just... unnatural. I'm someone who's thrived on friendships all my life. Now they're all ripped away from me, some in the most painful ways possible.

I've never felt more lonely in my life.

There's got to be somebody for me out there, right? I can't be like this all my life. But I don't know where to look, where to begin. Maybe I have to look within myself first? It feels like I've been doing that all the time but maybe I've gone wrong somewhere.

Maybe I'm looking in all the wrong places. The places where people will care for their own skin more than for their friends'. The places where cliques are so strong I can't break in.

I hate the word 'cliques'. I absolutely detest it. It's a disgusting concept, it really is. It just basically means, "we don't want you here, go away." What the hell, you know?

I think I'll go out there and make a point. I'm not going to eat with anybody for the next few weeks. Let's see who cares and who doesn't. Let's see who bothers. Because if nobody does, then I'd know, wouldn't I?

I really am worthless.

---

God, please help me? I'm at a loss for what to do. I really am. I want to give up but I know I can't. I don't know what I should do. I don't even know what I can do. Help me please. It's all I'm asking for.

I'm sorry for all the shit I've been giving you. I know I'm not the best guy around. And I know sometimes I block you off completely. But Father just reach back to me, please. Because I'm reaching to You now.

I know I sound really hypocritical. I know I'm completely undeserving. I know this sounds damn superficial. But Lord just read my heart and see what's in there. See what's torturing it so, please.

I love you, Dad. It feels good telling You all this. Read my blog post too, would You?

My Father in heaven, holy is Your name. Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give me this day my daily bread, and forgive my trespasses, as I forgive those who trespass against me. And lead me not into temptation, but deliver me from evil.

Thank you, God. Thank you, Father. Thank you, Lord. Thank you, best friend.

In Jesus' name, Amen.

---

You know;

I really do miss you, more than words could ever say.

I wish things were back to how they were. But can things ever go back to how they were?

I don't know. And it's killing me.

I am so bloody ticked off right now. Seriously. Why the hell does my brother have such a big mouth? Yesterday go blab that we're buying something for my mother.

So all I do is ask him "Why did you go and tell mummy? Didn't I tell you specifically not to tell you?" And he suddenly has this wretched expression on his face, throws his hands up into the air and cries, "Okay la now my fault again la!"

Then my mother asks him what's wrong and cause it's supposed to be a secret he says nothing. But my mother being the stubborn FOOLISH woman she is just keeps on pressing and pressing and when he says don't want to tell her, she says "okay if you don't tell me then you can't go cycle". Which IS FREAKING STUPID because he starts crying even worse. So when I go out and try to console him and tell him to stop crying, my mom asks me. And she won't give up so I have to tell her in the end.

So, all in all, a f**ked up surprise and a screwed up Mother's Day in general. FML la. What the hell is wrong with me such that I keep screwing up everything I try to plan. THIS FREAKING SUCKS. I'm DAMN PISSED OFF.

Oh and my mom found the cakes in the fridge too. Sigh. Mood all gone already. Seriously. Screw. This. Shit.

---

Okay Terraqua. Damn fun, damn tiring. Not much else to say other than Miscellaneous nearly won, lost by only one point. I tsk at Amanda Teo and Shakila Feroz Khan. Yes.

So yes anyway after nearly a full day of games and sand and sea went over to Eddie's house to pick up stuff then cabbed home.

Looking forward to the next edition next year!

---

And we fast forward, fast forward till today.

Sigh I don't know why I feel so snappy today. It's like I have no friends. Damn irritating. The people I try to love don't appreciate it. And you know the old adage, "you don't know what you've got until it's gone"? I don't think they'll be affected by it. You know, I question myself this all the time. Who will remember me when I'm gone? I don't think anybody will.

Even though I keep trying, over and over, to just make a difference in my friends' lives. But no, they've got cooler friends, so I'm left behind, face down in the dust.

Screw this la I'm close to giving up anyway.

Goodbye.

Hi, I'm officially 18 now. I feel surprisingly underwhelmed!

Maybe it's cause all the celebration happened on Sunday. Had a BLAST. Thank you everyone for coming and making my first real birthday celebration such an awesome time!

After church reached the chalet at about 5? To setup everything and make sure people didn't get lost. By the way since pictures speak a thousand words, this'll be a photo post mainly (:

Early birds! (Pun on Bertrand's shirt not intended at all haha) Thank you Eddie and Bert for coming early to help!

Then slowly people started trickling in until it got pretty crowded so dinner! Food was awesome, I heard, although I hardly ate anything for myself ): But it's alright at least everyone else had some! Thank you Sheldon for saying grace.

Then yeah just basically walking around entertaining people making sure they were well fed and all. Thank God for the great weather and the great food and the great fellowship! Couldn't have done anything without Him.

We went to the beach for awhile! And my friends being my friends decided to bury me in sand so there I am with everyone around me looking pretty happy that I was down there. It was comfortable though! Hahaha. Oh and yes AT THE BEACH I LANDED A FRONT FLIP :O I was so proud of myself! Yay me. ^^

Yes by then it was pretty late so... headed back to the chalet and cleaned off all the stupid sand covering us! I think Karyl had a crap load of fun then spraying us with water HAHA. Unglam alert!

Then (albeit pretty late) came the awesome cake! Shoutout to my bro Kang Wei all the way in Australia: THANKS DUDE. It really was damn awesome omg (: So yes, Awfully Chocolate!

That basically rounded everything up! So now, pictures ^^

Hello all you dancers! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME K thanks for coming for my birthday celebration! Looking forward to Youth Sunday right! I know I am (: <3 y'all!

ElGeeeeee! Love you guys too you're like my extended family in church man. Stay really really retarded but really really fun kay! <3

Hi Nick Chevy and Zven! Thanks for coming down too I hope you guys had fun! Nuer ah nuer choose the guys you date carefully alright (:

Hello Lighthouse! You guys are awesome haha even though I don't know all of you that well I'm thankful that you guys came down! Hope you guys had a blast even though I didn't know where you guys were half the time =\ Make sure my brother doesn't bully you guys kay!

Awww won't you look at that sweet couple. I'm sorry for being so lamppost! (:

Hello Tamtams! You guys must be one of the most bonded/bimbo LGs I've ever seen. Keep the craziness going yeah! Thanks for coming (: And thanks for the awesome present too!

Aye you Sec 4s! Thanks for coming even though most of you guys had exams the coming day or choir practice. All the best for your O levels kay (except for that girl on the left who doesn't have O levels lucky you (: )! <3 you guys!

And of course, the voters! You guys excited about this coming Saturday? Thank you all for coming too (:

Agh I didn't get a photo with Kelyn I only just realised! :O Oh well that'll do. The Phua sisters! Thanks for coming hahah even though you guys were suuuuper late I hope you guys had fun! (: Stay cool yo. ^^

There seems to be one picture missing, hmm...

Ah right there you are. MY FAMILY IN SCHOOL. THANK YOU FOR COMING DOWN EVEN THOUGH HALF OF YOU WERE LATE. You guys are seriously AWESOMEEEEE STAY THAT WAY KAY! (: <3 YOU GUYSSSSS.

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So ended the awesome birthday celebration of 01-05-2011. People just started trickling away and I took even more photos that are on Facebook so go see if you wanna!

Then after that only 7 of us remained. Karyl, Kelyn, Lydia, Eddie, Zven, Nick and me. And me brother. We spent a shitlot of time walking/skateboarding haha. The original plan was to like, go to skatepark and fool around but when we got there it was super crowded and everyone else was damn pro. :O So we walked all the way past the chalet to Macs to grab a bite. But Kelyn and Lydia were dead on their feet so I walked them all the way back to the chalet! Where they miraculously revived and started playing Raving Rabbids. Ahh the Wii was so underused!

The rest came back awhile later so we just continued talking until 5am+++ before finally crashing. Next day came quick enough and soon I was saying bye to everybody except for Nick Eddie and my bro.

Then comes Terraqua! But that's a story for another day. (: With even more pictures!

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Once again, thank you EVERYBODY who came for my birthday celebration. I shall attempt naming everyone here.

Chevlene Nuer!

Karyl Phua!

Zven Sia-la!

Bertrand Tan!

Loo Cheng Yi!

RachieK!

Rebecca Heng!

Abigail Chia!

Edward Goh!

Amanda Teo!

Loo Liang Jie!

Sng Yong Jie!

Wen Ya!

Lydia Tan!

Kelyn Phua!

Sarah Chang!

Shakila Feroz Khan!

Alicia Lee!

Clarice Tan!

Samantha Wong!

Loo Liang Zhi!

Mabel Ang!

Andrew Goh!

Rachel Lee!

Bryan Chan!

Lester Lim!

Eunice!

Hui Zhen!

Deborah Chew!
Anne Mahendran!

Han Qi!

Enoch Chua!

Jessica Chew!

Jeslyn Shen!

Isaiah!

Carol!

Nicholas Teo!

Graham Andrew Rozario!

Marcus Khoo!

Nick Koh!

Tan Guan Rong!

Nicole Chan!

Lim Shuen!

Keivin Cheng!

Ang Chen Xiang!

Khong Zhi Wei!

Jing Sheng!

Keefe Tan!

Calvin Ethan Khor!

Melvyn Thaddeus Koe!

Ernest Ong!

Vera Yap!

Lam Chi Tun!

Tan Hao!

Clement Chua!

Yes I think that's it (: Woo that's a long list of people :O Thank you everyone once again!

And thank you everybody for your amazing presents!

Karyl Kelyn Lydia for the T-shirt.

Chen Xiang and Zhi Wei for the other T-shirt!

Bryan Mabel Rachel Lee Andrew Eddie for the Adidas stuff (bottle, deo, shower gel!)

Liang Zhi and Cheng Yi for the awesome bag!

Rebecca for the sweets <3 they're awesome!

Amanda Sarah Liang Jie Yong Jie Kyle Alicia for the as yet unfinished trio of presents!

Isaiah and Carol for the gift vouchers!

Trackers for the ANGRY BIRD OMG (:

Guan Rong for the band!

Chi Tun for the banana HAHA.

Jeslyn Bert for the cold hard cash!

I seriously loved all of them haha.

But thanks also goes out to my family because they're so awesome they spend a crapload of money on this chalet for me. THANK YOU MOM AND DAD (: LOVE YOU GUYS.

And I love you, my extended family from church/track. We're just too good already ^^

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Bye bye blog I shall go and sleep, see you tomorrow!

Yesterday really does seem like such a blur OMG I never wanted that weekend to end I had so much fun! (: Yayyyyyy all of us.

I'm happy.

Hello everybody! Today was fun (:

Really short day of school -- supposed to end at 11.30 save for extra lessons. But it was fun nonetheless. Played soccer for afternoon PE, I haven't really lost my touch! :D Scored two goals too whee. Bio extra lesson was really fun too we got crammed into a class with only space for 18 tables but it was really cozy and nice. Although sometimes I do get a tad bit disturbed by the 3 gays always sitting next to me (I'M KIDDING KAY GUYS DON'T KILL ME (: )

Supposed to have track team debrief but they scheduled it at 5 omg so freaking late so I gave it a miss. Went home to shower then went out again to study in church.

Church was awesome la! I thought I'd be the only one there but in the end Lester Han Qi Enoch Jessica and Wen Ya appeared from thin air. So I got some work done (yay me that's an improvement already) and had fun!

I'm going to grow fat omg finished nearly a whole tub of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough on my own urgh.

I shall go running tomorrow! Then worship practice at night. Oh yeah there's math study session with Leonard too. :\ another busy day yay I like busy days. They keep my mind from wandering.

I was thinking of changing the tagline of my blog... but the more I think about it the more apt I think it is. Makes so much sense! So yes I shan't change it.

Twitter has become very weirdly fun nowadays, I'm already nearing T2K haha.

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I CANNOT WAIT FOR SUNDAY HOMG -hyperventilates- Wootwoot!

<3 my family (:

So I haven't posted in quite awhile.

Don't know why I've been so tired like recently but well, it's been screwing around with my brain my goodness. I keep on thinking retarded thoughts about like, how I'm so mediocre and useless and good-for-nothing.

And kept overthinking about how one of the few friends I really trust and treat like a sister doesn't give a shit about me. I was wrong. So I'm out here apologizing for good -- I'm sorry, ________! You know who you are; I never meant to put you through everything and I know you don't deserve it. Forgive me for any dumb stuff I might say; like, whack me on the head if you hear a word from my mouth about anything stupid!! Stay awesome kay, you really are. (:

WARNING: All the Bieber haters go away! I'm now an official Belieber. Watched Never Say Never with three awesome people on Thursday, Chevy Karyl and Eddie. And it totally changed my perception of Justin Bieber.

Because originally I thought he only sang songs like Baby, which I felt were quite... lame, to be honest. But now he has songs like Pray and Born to Be Somebody, plus his voice is pretty great so why not?

Justin Bieber is now cool in my eyes (Y).

I can't wait for tomorrow and Thursday, really. And of course there's TGIGF!! Yay I'm so psyched right now. Tomorrow there's PE when we'll actually be playing games, Thursday is a super short day and there's dance/worship practice (two of the things I just enjoy doing) and then what's there to say for TGIGF! <33333 This week is a win, even though I've had so many shitty emotions.

I shall make it a point to revive my blog right now. I need a history man -- wanna see just how far I've come/will go. Because I was born to be somebody;

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I need someone to help me redesign my blog! It's so boring =\ Any offers? Ahahahaha.

Well so me and my parents got into some lame fight again. Over something so insignificant it's almost laughable. Almost.

So in the morning, I forget to bring my earphones out of the house, and I call my mom to help me bring them out. I wait for her for ten minutes at the traffic light, she hasn't come yet, so I think "okay, why not wait for her at the bus stop since she's going to pass by the place anyway." So I go to the bus stop and sit down and read Newsweek.

And then my dad comes out, doesn't see my mom either so he's like waiting at the steps looking out for her, when we both hear my mom calling from the other side of the road. I'm like all "oh shit!" so I get up and walk over. Supposedly, episode over, right?

WRONG.

So now it's past midnight, and apparently I was completely in the wrong! Hmm, I wonder why? Okay yes granted I made my mom walk up and down looking for me but yes I apologize. But then my dad goes on and on about how I always wait to get served (yeah right I went to sit down because I knew at the time that she would walk pass!).

I really don't get it. Doesn't everyone make assumptions now and then? And it wasn't even as though this assumption was like, out of this world, like she's going to be at the bus stop opposite Tampines North. No, she normally walks out by the stairs so I wait for her there, what's the crime in that?

I don't get it at all zzz.

So I guess I haven't posted or blogged in quite some time, haiz.

Feeling quite sian right now and I guess nobody comes to this blog anymore, so I guess I can rant here pretty safely (:

I'm starting to feel pretty damn friendless again. It's always this bunch of people, and me. Them, and me. I never really feel part of anything and the worst part is I don't know why! Even the new friends I make are the same...

So I really have no idea what to do! I just need to find a friend/group of friends that I can really really click with and just talk to about all the shit that's going on and all.

There's gotta be somebody for me out there.

And okay just a public announcement to all the girls I know -- Just because I repeatedly send SMSes without waiting for replies doesn't mean I like you/am irritating okay! ): I just.. have a phobia about people not replying messages, it makes me wonder what I've done wrong. I don't know why either, maybe cause of bad past experiences but yeah, it's just like that! SO PLEASE DON'T JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS ><

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I need to change; and fast. Otherwise second chances aren't going to last.

Hey all! I cooked dinner today!

Beef stew with sourdough bread. So yes the stir-frying of the beef stew was super painful! Cause of all the oil burns and all and now for some reason my hands are a bit numb... hmm.

But the beef stew wasn't too shabby at all! For someone with no cooking experience, at least. (:

So yes!

Pictures will be on Facebook if I find the time/energy hee.