Poem:
Youtube will not last life long
If all the videos are gone
From a little stupid rule
All of this happening just ain't cool
I thought it was a place for fun
Entertainment for everyone
Now these companies are barging in
Tearing up the site like it belongs to them
Threatening Youtube for having their songs
Can't we all just get along?
Removed every video left and right
Almost everything on their site
If theres just one thing I hate
Its all those mother beeping copyrights!

---

OMG NIGAHIGA LOL.

Yay Bio was tricky but good. I hope. xD

The new math teachers is crazy! In a good way. He's like, faster than Mrs. Tan omg please D:

Tuition soon! Ttyl. ): I don't like cheena.

Wait, wait. Quickie birthday post.

---

ELLE. Happy birthday yo! It's been great knowing you, you wacky crazy high-most-of-the-time person. Hope you aren't getting destroyed by school haha. Life ain't bad when you're only sec 2, no? Enjoy it while you can. :D Very soon you'll be old LIKE ME D: Bad thing.

Anyway, continue being the retarded in a good way person you are! And yeah, don't stress too much over school. IT'S ONLY SEC 2. Have you decided on your subject combination? xD

Once again, happy birthday you. Hang out soon :D

---

Okay that's it. I'm outta here.

Is everybody going crazy? Is anybody gonna save me?

---

I know there is. (:

Today was fun! And I'm so happy with my goalkeeping. Okay, maybe not with my shot stopping at the moment? But 1 on 1s are nice right now. Oh and I scored a goal while outfield! YAY. Jasdeep can head really well now o-o.

Haiz other than soccer today was really boring ): Biology test on Thursday! Must mug omg, haha. And Ms. Huang let us off like twenty minutes early so they grabbed a quick lunch (me only grabbing a bite for sustenance =\) before going to gym. Gosh, my calves are freaking big. And totally unglam. ):

---

Oh well. Looking forward to the weekend. Piano showcase! Grrr.

Lord be with me! :D And remind me to do my devotions diligently D:

---

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMANDA TEO :D

It's been great knowing you since TOFU last year. Haha, although the starting wasn't that smooth what with all our differences during the planning, but yeah I'm glad we got over that. Continue growing in the Lord! Don't mug too much for Os yeah, it never helped anyone. (:

Not saying you should slack off. xD Take care jiayou!

I know it's a day late, but oh well! I didn't have use of the computer yesterday =\ SORRY MAN.

---

HILLSONGS TOTALLY OWNED.

I shall quote Pastor Judah Smith a couple of lines (:

"Sex, is beautiful."

"God made sex, God wanted us to have pleasure, God wanted us to enjoy ourselves."

"I am experienced in sex. I do it all the time!"

"But I am married, and I have a wedding ring to prove it. So don't hate me."

LOL. But wait, there's more!

He quotes A BUG'S LIFE! How coool is that, omg!

And and and, talking about his first date,

"So I had prepared this huge long speech to pop the question to her. Not THE question, but the question. So I stopped. And she stopped. (While walking on a trail up to the waterfall) I stared at her. She stared back. And instead of starting on that long speech, all that came out was, "Pastor Jude said I could hold your hand."

EPIC FAIL.

And,

"When I touched her hand, it was THE most exhilarating experience I have ever had. Like, explosions, you know! Now, you guys might be thinking, 'Oh, it's only holding hands. WHAT THE BIG DEAL? HOLDING HANDS?!' But to someone who has only held two girls' hands in his entire life, (my mom's and sister's) it's a pretty big deal! Imagine you're sixteen and you're in the mall holding your mom's hand. It's embarrasing! It's degrading!"

HAHHAHAHAH HE IS GOD-BLESSED GENIUS :D

Too bad so few people from PMC went. ): But oh well I HAD A GREAT TIME PRAISING THE LORD.

THE SOLUTION.

It is not a human right
To stare not fight
While broken nations dream
Open up our eyes, so blind
That we might find
The Mercy for the need

Singing, Hey now
Fill our hearts with your compassion
Hey now
As we hold to our confession
Yeah

It is not too far a cry
To much to try
To help the least of these
Politics will not decide
If we should rise
And be your hands and feet

Singing, Hey now
Fill our hearts with your compassion
Hey Now
As we hold to our confession

Woah-oh-oh,
God be the solution
Woah-oh-oh
We will be Your hands and be Your feet.
Yeah, yeah

Higher than a circumstance
Your promise stands
Your love for all to see
Higher than protest line and dollar signs
Your love is all we need

Only You can mend the broken heart
And cause the blind to see
Erase complete the sinners past
And set the captives free
Only You can take the widows cry
And cause her heart to sing
Be a Father to the fatherless
Our Savior and our King
We will be Your hands, we will be Your feet
We will run this race
On the darkest place, we will be Your light
We will be Your light

We will be Your hands , we will be Your feet
We will run this race for the least of these
In the darkest place, we will be your light
We will be your light
We'll sing

Woah-oh-oh,
God be the solution
Woah-oh-oh
We will be Your hands and be Your feet.

Woah-oh-oh,
God be the solution
Woah-oh-oh
We will be Your hands and be Your feet.
Yeah, yeah

We will run we will run
We will run with the solution [2x]

We will be Your hands we will be Your feet
We will run this race for the least of these
In the darkest place we will be Your light
We will be Your light
We sing

---

And TAKE IT ALL. With a splash of Spanish.



<3 God, <3 His people.

---

Haiz I'm going to totally fail tomorrow's math test. Like, I'm totally dieded at differentiation. Oh well. God will pull through. And I'll have to work extra hard.

---

LIVERPOOL 5 - 0 SINGAPORE

Kristian Nemeth 2 goals, Torres 1, Kuyt 3 assists!, Riera 1, Pacheco 1! I totally love Liverpool to bits. Although Singapore didn't play too bad either for the first hour! :D Future's looking good.

TORRES PWNS YOU. TEEHEE. DOUBLE-PWN.

---

Cheers! I'm feeling weirdly emo today.

Why do I feel that the exact same thing you've been complaining about is happening to you?

It's much better now. (: thank you so much everyone who was there for me.

And I promise I'll get better. I already was, but I guess it wasn't enough just yet.

God help me live in fear of You, of consequences, of anger.

---

Hillsongs tomorrow! OMG YAY it's finally here. (: Can't wait for it, maybe there's something in the sermon that could help me.

And those of you out there who're wondering why I can sound so happy after having such a thing happen to me -- it's because this time, there were people there for me, reassuring me, supporting me, showing care for me. And that made most of the difference. Of course, my parents were also understanding. Pissed and worried, yes, but understanding. I love all of you.

And I love the best dad in the whole world. Thank You God!

I can't wait to praise Your Name tomorrow.

---

Okay I'm not going to stay up late today. After this, piano, dinner, a book/english comprehension. Let's go.

---

And I'm back in business. But I've changed jobs; from harbinger to hoper.

I can do everything through Him who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13)

and the climax;

At least it's going back uphill from here. Sure, there are the consequences I have to face, but well. Part and parcel of life; some are just a bit worse than the others.

But I'm more worried about my parents. And my future. Don't ask me why I didn't think of this when I was angry and losing it. Because you don't THINK when you're angry. You just DO. And that sucks.

But we're already in shit trouble. And we're running out of savings. So if I lose my scholarship... haiz, I'll have to quit RI luh. No help for it. ): Not to mention the worry and the anxiety I cause them. ): And what will happen if this goes onto my blacklist! Freak man.

So it happened like this luh. I was already irritated with the way Benn and Wendi were treating me; like how I wasn't doing anything and that I contributed nothing to the project and how I didn't go for the project meeting and how I always missed my deadlines. Which really was unfair! Because I did the original storyboard; I came up with two out of four parts of the script; I went for two out of three interviews; I was the narrator. And just because I didn't turn up for ONE meeting, they felt it was unfair and that I didn't do anything.

And I tried to point that out to them today! And they're all, "The questions you came up for the interview were SHIT" and "We aren't even using the narration anymore" and "You said you're going to do street interviews, why you never do?" Let's get this clear. They were not shit, they were perfectly relevant to the issue. It's not my fault that you don't want to use the narration, I did work for it. And finally, I never said I was going to do a street interview; I said I was going to try and organize an interview with someone, which didn't go through.

And so they keep on being unfair to me, totally unfair to me. So maybe I did slack off sometime. So maybe I did have some faults. But was everything ME? No, I highly doubt it.

So I lose it. I wanted to lose it three, four times before I actually did but somehow I managed to walk away and chill for a bit before going back. But after Wendi wanted to fight with me and then said, "I'm not going to waste my time arguing with you." That was it. I can tell you how much I wanted to hit him then. But I contained the anger, and then walked out the last time.

Before losing every single shred of self-control I had left. Chair hits the plastic window. And then next thing I know, my leg's halfway through the shattered glass window, I'm pulling it away and hyperventilating my brains out, shouting at the top of my voice to nobody in particular and not even realizing that I'd cut myself in ten different places.

So Mr. Kwok comes in. And the rest is history. Long talk about how I should try to control my anger better (I have been trying, I swear!) And about the possible consequences.

And of course, me telling my parents. They didn't really scream at me? I think they're more worried about like, how they're going to deal with this situation when the school calls them tomorrow. ): I really didn't mean for this to happen, dad and mom. I really didn't. I never wanted to bring all my troubles in school unto you, because I know how much worries you already have without mine adding onto them.

But it's turned out like that, through God's Will. And quite wonderfully, I didn't even stop to ask God WHY He did that. I just... started praying the moment I had the window of opportunity.

---

Father, I didn't mean for this to happen. I never wanted it to happen. But it has, through either Your Will or my sinful choice. My parents think that You are there just to save me when I get into trouble; that it's Your fault because I get into trouble. Like my mom said, "Why this happen to you? As a test is it? If so, then I don't want a God like this." And Lord of course I know this is a test. And yet I continue to follow You faithfully, I don't understand.

But so much of Your ways are hard to understand, Father. I don't know if that's good, or if that's bad. But Father I'm sorry I did this. I'm sorry I lost my temper, I lost You even for that short period of time. I'm sorry I'm causing so much worry and self-accusation to my parents. I wasn't thinking; but that's no excuse.

Forgive me, Dad. Safeguard me, bless the school with the ability to forgive. I don't want this to enter my blacklist, I don't want my scholarship to be revoked. My parents are already so worried, don't give them more burden Father.

I never want this to happen again. I feel so SO guilty. And that feeling is horrible. Lord, mom says You can't even save me, but I know that's completely not true. You can do that. But we just don't see it right now. Lord open up our hearts and our minds and our eyes and ears!

And Father reignite the faith in my parents' hearts. Restart the fire from the dying embers within their soul. It destroys me to see them, to hear them say that they're helpless, that they can't do anything. If they can't do anything, who can?

But sometimes extremes aren't the answer anyway, are they Father? Like not going to church at all? Like seeking a professional whom I'm not even comfortable with? Lord, give them the blessing of discernment and wisdom, and help me learn to accept help when I need it.

I don't want to lose You, Father. I never did. But I always used to feel that You aren't there! But today I felt You were there by my side immediately after I lost it, immediately after I'd calmed down. Thank You Father.

I guess I have to face the consequences huh, Dad. Be with me okay? I love You.

---

Haiz. The music's on it's way. And I can't do anything but accept it. I just hope it isn't too bad. Will they give leniency for a mentally-unstable person? ):

I just.. I guess the worst thing that I fear will happen is that I'll lose my friends luh. Whoever hasn't seen this side of me before, and all of a sudden it comes boiling out. Don't go away okay? I need you guys. ):

---

I love you mom and dad. Don't worry so much about me, although I probably deserve it.

---

How the hell did we wind up like this
Why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables

I wish you'd unclench your fists
And unpack your suitcase
Lately there's been too much of this
Dont think its too late

Nothin's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will

Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when

Well i hoped that since we're here anyway
We could end up saying
Things we've always needed to say
So we could end up stringing
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Lets rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a hollywood horror

Nothin's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will

Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)

---

But it's never too late to apologize. And make up for the better. Because that's what God's there for. Reignite my parents' faith won't You, Lord?

Just a short email conversation for now.

Benn Chua --

HEY _ _ _ _ _, if you don't care about the social studies project as you said, well, then don't bother about your marks too.
Afterall we are almost done. (My group is almost done)

Me --

Screw you la. I never said I don't care about the SS project. I said I
don't care about your STUPID comments when I actually wanted to do
something. It wasn't my fault that you informed me of a meeting so
late that I had scheduled something else weeks before. It's not my
fault you guys are such idiots that when I want to go for the rest of
the meeting you say "No it's okay, never mind don't come".

And to be honest, I didn't do anything wrong before that. Who was the
one who volunteered to speak? Who was the one who turned up for all
the original meetings? I didn't see you guys being idiots towards
Wendi, did I?

And immediately after I miss one project meeting BECAUSE YOU INFORMED
ME SO LATE, you start being total asses to me. Where the hell is the
rationale behind that? Not to mention continually making fun, it's
damn freaking irritating.

So don't you DARE say I didn't volunteer to do anything, or didn't do
what I was told. Because I did all that. And it's your blindness
that's to blame here; not my lack of work ethic. You didn't tell me a
SINGLE thing about ANY project meetings after that Sunday. What the
hell? I even went for the two interviews which you missed. And you're
saying I didn't do anything; that I'm the redundant one?

---

Screw you, really. Screw you. Fools.

---

I'm not going to do any random diary today. Today has a point.

I actually enjoy physics! At least now I understand everything lol. And it's quite easy when you get down to it. And integration is finally coming together too. Woot.

Chem practical tomorrow, zzz. I hope I don't screw up, I really can't afford that now.

Managed to do my whole devotion in school! Although there were maybe a couple of interruptions, but yeah. I loved that time. (:

---

Be back soon, heh.

H-h-h-HEY what's up. How're we doing? Looks like it's someone's special day yeah? Hahaha. So yes, let's just get to it.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHERYL SEAH.

It's been what, around two months since I first got to know you? I think it's safe to say I'm happy I did, haha. You drama person (: How's school so far! Starting to get tough already right. Anyway, good luck with the rest of the year! And yeah, I bet you'll own the O levels luh haha. God bless, take care yeah! :D

Yes, I know I kop-ed this picture from your blog. But oh well! It's a good picture. xD

Cheers, man.

I told you I'd do a home run of birthday wishes. This is only part three. (:

And if you didn't realise, that first line was from Simple Plan's Live Perfect :D

---

And today was.... BORING. MONOTONOUS BOREDOM. BLEAH. Although Chem was hilarious, English more so, and assembly... insightful. Mr. Koh is so funny omg! Like he keep on asking us why we talk in class when the whole class is talking -.- And then Jasdeep owned him by pointing that out. =\

And English. Haha, how to describe it. Actually, I don't even know a good word to encapsulate the feeling. It's just so... fun! HAH. Snooze camp, Stooges, Chinese Drama Club, Cow. HAHAHHAHAH. Omg retarded I'm sorry.

Soccer after schoool was... completely utterly absolutely, altogether, entirely, extremely, fully, purely, thoroughly, A FAILURE TO THE CORE. Okay maybe I'm shortchanging it a bit, because my passing today was really really good :D But yeah, only what, six people played?! And I felt super sloshed -.-

So yeah, train to Bugis to find Zara before cabbing home. Whee. Reached home in 45 minutes, completely free. HAHA. Omg I hope I don't fall sick. She was sick o-o although only 37.9 la. Not too bad haha.

Okay now I don't feel that sloshed anymore. PLANTS VS ZOMBIES.

---

And to you, I've got two tickets to Hillsongs now. So... come on luh, please go. Or else it'll be super boring for me D:

Xu Qin pangsehed! HAHA. Just joking just joking. Have fun at your concert thing! And don't worry about it; Planetshakers and Hillsongs will be here for many many MANY more years.

OKAY. PEOPLE GOING FOR HILLSONG ON SATURDAY. That is, Liang Zhi, Leon, Ken, Daniels Chia and Ng, Clarice, Bertrand, Mel, Cheng Yi. We... HAVE A PLAN. We being Mel and I luh.

So; we meet in church latest three! Then we all troop to ehub, buy TONS of snacks and takeaway dinner from wherever you want. Then we go to Expo and have some pro picnic :D

Sounds good right! What's more, we get the best seats in the house because we're such kiasu people WHEE.

---

Okay, I'm off. Hillsong song first!

LG LG LG. Life's good (:

Also the acronym for another headache.

LOL

---

Ah well. Today was a horribly boring day. Although filming Philo was utterly retarded ._.

---

The Potter's hand! But our choices are the moving forces behind it. We can be spoiled through our own choosing, not through His craftsmanship. Because His skills are perfect; it's our innate flaws that cause chinks in the armor.

Lol.

---

Don't worry about it okay? I'm sure she'll realize everything sooner or later, and maybe that silence today was because she didn't know what to say! But at least you got everything out and well, now you know she knows. So she doesn't have any excuse. (:

Cheer up! God doesn't want to see you sad like this.

---

Oh well. If something cool happens later deserving of a post, I'll be back. Although the standard isn't that high xD

Why the hell do I feel jealous? I should be happy for them.

And yeah, happy birthday Clifton. Heard you had a great one (: May the Lord bless you and keep you always. Haha, I barely know you but yeah. Here's to being friends.

Today had to be one of the major contenders for most useless day in the life of David. Haiz.

Father give me a pure heart.

Tsk Cheng Yi, you realise a lot of people call it "churchies"? Not just me :D And hey, me potting the black ball still means you win. xD

Anyway, piano mock exam rocked! Okay, maybe it didn't. But still, it was a good experience. Much better than last year at least. Haha, I didn't get a nervous breakdown and say "shit" real loudly. ;D

And I actually got double digit scores for all the pieces! Last year all single digit leh. Yay me.

Still need to put in a lot of hard work though. All the way to the distinction. (:

---

I've been becoming slack in doing my devotionals, waiting until really late. Must remedy that!

Okay. I really have to stop lying to myself about a lot of things, haha. Give me wisdom and courage, heavenly Father.

Hillsongs coming up next week! Father, bless them as You always have and let them ROCK THE HOUSE IN YOUR NAME.

(:

I'm gonna keep it short today!

Romans 8:14!

---

And of course, another Nickelback video. ;D



If you don't understand, this guy gets saved by another guy, who could see how long a person has left to live (the numbers on top of their heads). Then, the power gets transferred so the guy is horribly confused, until he saves someone else. There's so much meaning in that! But I'll leave it to you to interpret.

HAHA time lapses are super cool too.

Church tomorrow, (actually by now, today) so seeya!

Omgomgomg piano mock exam later! I really really pray I don't screw up. GOD GIVE ME STRENGTH. And thank you everyone who's praying for me out there. Love y'all.

Yesterday was the bomb. Haha. After school soccer, which was super hot and boring, and then went to meet Cheng Yi for Yami Yogurt (omg peach rocks) and then went to church. Whee. I beat her by 5 in pool and then she beat me by 5 back. So we're even! I totally need to get L4D soon grrr. Everyone else is playing tsk. And then Ice Age 3! Which was completely hilarious but just a bit monotonous. Hahaha. I think I'm outgrowing cartoons; not a good thing! =\

Then dinner with churchies before going back to church and woah, playing until 10+. Gosh that's like the latest I've ever stayed back in church.

I think most of the Nickelback music videos are pure total ownage. I wonder why so many people don't like them. Maybe because they strike the exact chord that people don't want struck.

Anyway, here's Far Away.



:D

My dad's still having a mid-life crisis but my mom's just pms. (: It's not too bad now.

just like a paperback novel;

What a great song.

---

Tomorrow! I'm looking forward to it (:

And the interview today was really straight. :D Although we couldn't video but oh well. Good enough information.

I need to get back on track seriously, math is running away from me. =\ And haha, assignments and projects galore! LOL canteen stalls naming -.-

I finished the ownage wall in rock-climbing! So did Kwun Tong and Michael HAHA. Nice one guys. ;D

Ciao.

God help me stop lying. It only brings hurt to everyone involved. And it's so hard to earn back people's trust. So HELP ME FATHER.

Why the heck would I lie about a COMIC BOOK. It isn't even privately owned, it's the LIBRARY's. It's so obvious the trust is gone. Even though I did lie.

And his reaction when he found out, even though he was basing himself on assumptions, however true they might have been. Throwing the book on the floor? Storming off saying he doesn't want to talk to me? Maybe he can't talk to me, he doesn't know how to talk to me, he has nothing to say. Which just shows how great a dad he can be. I realize he's never been there for me when I'm hit the hardest. And before that, the TONE he took with me about the comic. It just raises my hackles. And this vise clamps onto my chest and I'm totally "ARGH stop that it's so freaking irritating".

Again and again I feel I've been let down. I ask You to help me stop lying, stop the animal reflex of keeping myself safe, and IT NEVER HAPPENS. WHY?

But since there's nothing else to be done, I guess You're all I can rely on Father. Because You were there when the going got tough.

Will you PLEASE shut me up when I'm about to lie. Just make my words unintelligible. Make them a truth that shouts Your glory. Anything BUT A LIE. I want to promise You that I won't lie, but it's such a reaction already. Help me change.

Help me.

For You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light. With Your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall. (Psalm 18:28-29 NIV)

So true, so true. (:

I'm glad I started on this fasting journey. It's the start of the third week already, and it's been really revealing and helpful, not to mention the many epiphanies I've gotten. :D Thank You Lord!

Today was... haha. What's a good word... random. Stupid luh, I mugged six hours straight yesterday and like, today I find out that I've screwed up math and possibly did lousily for physics! This world isn't fair ): And because I persuaded my parents to let me study in church, if the results suck then they'll say that it's useless to study in church, even if I did do a bit better! UGH. God help me (:

Gosh I've become so horribly lousy at goalkeeping recently. Seriously need to start bucking up pffft. Ah well lol.

Anisha, you're super funny luh HAHA. And Jasdeep/Wendy are just plain retarded tsk. Did you realise how many people were looking at you funny -.-

Anyway,

Because of Christ, I am saved. I am secure. I am strong. I am special. I am significant! :D

Father I love You so much. (:

I am an important part of Your plan and by Your grace, I will not quit. For Your glory, I will set my sights far, press on, run with the horses, AND PICK IT UP.



In Jesus' Name,

Amen. :D

---

I know this has been boring but recently hasn't been very fun. =\ What with all the monotone in school. Oh well. Here's to a more exciting remainder-of-the-year!

Today was nice. (: Thank You Lord!

School was fast, Book club was surprisingly... fun. Hahaha. And I need to get chest guards when playing soccer already. I have found out what it's like to be rammed by a truck. No offense intended Shien :D

Rawr. Save save save. But everything disappears over the weekend. I NEED A LOCKED BOX AND I NEED TO SWALLOW THE KEY. Lol.

I hope I mugged enough for physics and math today =\ Nearly 6 hours of continuous mugging leh. Nearly scared myself hahhaa. And I feel super bad now, the taxi driver let me off when apparently my NETS card couldn't work ): God bless him please! :D

Hmm. Quote of the day: If I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries... but do not have love, I have nothing... I gain nothing. ;D 1 Corinthians 13:2-3

Cool no?

---

I don't want to sleep yet pffft. o-o

ZZZ what the heck man. I want to go clarify what I don't know about practical electricity and applications of differentiation with Rachel, and you tell me you want dad to follow me?

What kind of paranoid woman are you?

And I thought a couple of days ago things would be turning out fine, because that's the way it felt.

Apparently not.

I only asked you because I felt that I really had to buck up on my studies and actually do well for the coming tests.

---

Lord, I'm sorry I've caused people to be so skeptical and scathing towards You and Your Name. ): I really didn't want it to turn out this way but for some reason my mom just finds You the easiest escape to blame everything I've turned out to be on. Lord I'm still a work in progress in Your hands, and I don't want them to judge me as yet. Maybe it's a good thing, Father, that they provide me with a mirror of reality, to see myself for what people perceive me to be. But Father help me understand this and empathise with whoever may not believe in You because of my actions and words Lord. Help me change these actions to things that glorify You, that will bring people running to You!

And Lord, thank You for Your everlasting grace and never-ending love. I know You're always there and that You love us unconditionally, unfailingly, day after day, even those who may not know You yet. (: Nobody is like You, Father, like the person I can confide in and not be worried.

And because of this Father, I don't want this to be one-way! I want to do something for you Lord; share with me Your troubles and worries for the Church and for Singapore and teach me how to LISTEN to You, Father. Bless me with a habit of intimacy with You, and a heart of intercession.

And Lord, finally I pray You'd appear in the lives of those who have turned away from You in a wonderful way, Father, that they'd see the true glory of Our Father and come running back to Your arms. :D

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

---

Haiz. Stop blaming pastors and Christians and the church for what I've become, mom. I only yell back at you because there's no other way I can get my point across. You never ever listen to me when I try to talk nicely. ):

I really want to do well. Not only for me, but for you guys and for my friends and definitely for God! And I know I haven't deserved any trust from you, but just leave me to my own devices and be there for me okay? I'm sure you won't be disappointed. (:

---

Time to make a call.

lady 1:Ah Hoon, havent't seen your children in a long time...
lady 2: They are very busy. my daughther is now a lawyer.
lady 1 : lawyer? You are so lucky..You have a son and a daughther...
lady 3 : how bout your son?
lady 2 : Him? Very busy with his company selling "Ling Zhi" with America, Hong Kong. He even knows Andy Lau !
lady 4 : Andy Lau..Andy Lau?!
Lady 2 :He brought a house in Damansara.
Lady 1 : Damansara, not bad.
lady 3 : my son, he's even better. he's a doctor in london. he's a specialist. What's the name? cardiologies? Very smart earning money...
Lady 1 : smart....
Lady 3 : how bout your son?
Lady 1 : he's always busy when i calls him. He's a partner in some famous audit firm. What's the name? Whatever...
His yearly salary is about rm450,000 !
Lady 3 : My son too. Each operation, he earns 20,000 pounds. one day two operations..
Lady 1: Eng(lady4), how bout your son?
Lady4 : my son? he's fine. he's going to take me out later.
Lady 1 : Take you out?
Lady 4: yes, wherever he goes, he must take me along.
Lady 3 : eh, who's that?
Lady 4 : My son, my son is here.
Son 4: Mom, how are you?
Lady 4 : I'm fine..
Son 4 : mom, today, we are going to Cameron.
Lady 4 : Cameron? It's cold there.

---

I love you, mom. ):

I said I might post again later. And here I am! :D So pro right.

Tag replies!

Darrell: YES haha you haven't been here for so long! And we haven't like actually seen each other in person in AGES. Haha, not THAT faithfully luh. Just like, when I feel like it? :D GO OUT SOMEDAY. D:

Rachel Lee: OOOOH haha okay! Rawr. Should ask more people ;D And watch an earlier show! Then can like, go church slack after that XD

Wenya: HAHA that's cause they are... a bit scary and weird in the head, cause I really really don't understand why people would wanna dress up like that for no good reason -.-

Rachel Koh: LOL. Yes he did. Nice reaction ;D

Today was great, praise the Lord!

Thank You Father for making today such a wonderful day. ;D Xu Qin enjoyed it HAHA and she wants to come back! One Voice totally owned through You. (:

And sermon really made me think quite a lot. It was so applicable to the youth, especially to me! The ability to say NO is what makes us human, yet is also divine, because it's what Jesus did to deny Satan. So I want to learn how to say No to the wrong things, and say YES to the right things; not just go with peer pressure and follow the flow, but carve out a path alongside my Father. ;D Lord, help me with that!

So after service (which totally owned, did I mention that?) went for lunch with Kelyn Benji Xu Qin, haha. I was watching them eat =\ And then back to church, where Xu Qin and Benji left cause they were going the same direction. Pool! And slacking xD THE USUAL STORY.

But yeah today was a GREAT experience. Honestly (: YMpact ftw, God ftw.

---

Veron's scared of cosplayers! I don't really fancy them either. Who wants to dress up in such weird costumes! They'll just look weird please =\

---

Movie tomorrow with Chengyi Alicia Rachel! I have no idea which movie though o-o HAHA. But it's something to look forward to after a draggy day of school. Eddie says I should make the most of it. I'll try. I don't know how to! XD

---

Devotion today.. Oh darn I haven't done it. Okay I'm gonna do it now.

*AFK*

Okay. Lord, give me a glimpse of the big picture, and the grace to trust You for what I cannot see. Father I know I have problems with my faith, and with self-control, and with patience for Your plan Lord, but help me with these, help me strengthen those skills and bless me with them. You have everything in control, and I know it, but sometimes I fail to remember that. Help me, guide me and enforce that in me, Lord. Thank you. And as times become harder and harder, I pray that we will continue to stand tall and strong, continue to endure whatever challenges there may be, with the expectation of a wonderful future, and emerge stronger with Your blessing of faith in our hearts.

Lord I pray that You'll also help me to say NO to evil deeds, to carnal instinct. Give me Your divine grace to say YES to things holy, to things righteous. Lord I thank You for everything You've done for me, and I want to continue my walk with You.

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

---

:D 21 guns is nice. I really should go get the mp3.



---

Maybe another post later! Alicia wants a TOFU team holiday! I WANT ONE TOO. Ahahahha.

Yay today was fun. I think things are getting better now, like they don't object THAT much to everything I do, such as go to church or go play soccer. And I hope this lasts. It's a nice change.

I was satisfied with my piano this morning! Still have a bit to touch up, but yeah. (: On the way. Then after that went home, slacked COMPLETELY and hmm... receive a random message from Kevin asking me to play soccer for Panthers. Seeing as I had nothing to do... WHY NOT! Asked my parents, they said yes, so cool right. The match was okay, had two good chances but one hit the post (D:) and the other went just over. Pffft. I need to work on my runs. And near the end I was half dying cause I didn't eat lunch HAHA.

Church then! And taekwondo, which was... boring as usual. But the end was super funny. Elliot is a retard xD

---

Ohmygosh tomorrow's Youth Sunday!

Dear Father,

I want to thank You for blessing the youth bountifully these years, and moulding them into such a great bunch of people. It was them that really helped me find You again, Lord, and I am grateful for that. Never have I come across a group of people so friendly and so un-judging and so open. :D :D :D

And I pray that You'll continue to bless them for years to come Father. And especially for tomorrow, where the youth will be bringing their vibrance down to the adult service for Youth Sunday. Father I pray that You'll bless the members of the One Voice team, especially the worship leaders Cheng Yi and Daniel. I pray You'll be with them and guide them as they seek to praise Your wonderful name Lord. I pray that You'll also bless the dance, usher and welcome teams as they try and make this event a successful one in Your name Father.

Heavenly Father I'd also like to pray for Xu Qin, that she'll be able to be open and enjoy Your presence Lord. Show her what it's like to know You. (:

So I lift this event up into Your hands Lord, to do as You wish, and I pray that You'll bind all evil spirits hoping to wreak havoc in Jesus' name and throw them out.

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

Youth Sundayy! <3;

---

Okay. I'm off. Waking up early tomorrow! And other stuff to do now. Ciao ;D

Cheng Yi you'll be great. Veron, Anne and Deb you too. And Marie, Samantha, Daniel. God is with you guys! And He'll rock the house tomorrow. :D

PRAISE YOU, ALMIGHTY FATHER.

The All-American Rejects - I Wanna

I never thought that I was so blind
I can finally see the truth
It's me for you

Tonight you can't imagine that I'm by your side
'cause it's never gonna be the truth
so far for you

But can you hear me say
Don't throw me away
there's no way out
I gotta hold you somehow

I wanna, I wanna, I wanna touch you
you wanna touch me too
Everyday, but all I have is time
Our love's a perfect rhyme

I wanna, I wanna, I wanna touch you
you wanna touch me too
every way and when they set me free
Just put your hands on me

I take everything that I know your wake
and I give my life away so far to you

Can you hear me say
don't throw me away
There's no way out
I gotta hold you somehow

I wanna, I wanna, I wanna touch you
You wanna touch me too
Everyday, but all I have is time
Our love's a perfect rhyme

I wanna, I wanna, I wanna touch you
You wanna touch me too
Every way and when they set me free
Just put your hands on me

Bridge:

Tonight I see it's just another day without you
That I can't sleep
I give it away, away all for you too
Hear me say, don't throw me away
There's no way out
I gotta hold you somehow
All I wanna do is touch you

Chorus Repeat

---

Nice right! HAHA. No time today, so yeah, I'm sorry. I'll post more tomorrow! :D Saturday YAY.

---

Oh really really quick one though. Cheng Yi! You can do it on Sunday luh, no problem for you HAHA. Chillax and take it easy! He's with you (:

band-aids and bail-outs

When He saw the crowds, He had compassion on them because they were confused and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. He said to His disciples, "The harvest is great, but the workers are few. So pray to the Lord who is in charge of the harvest; ask Him to send more workers into His fields." (Matther 9:36-38 NLT)

---

The hypocrite WILL end the show! And that's my promise to the Lord. I WILL STOP BEING A HYPOCRITE. And I will stand up and do what is right and be a true follower of Christ.

Lord, help me do that, please? Help me throw away my old lifestyle and reforge my relationship with You. Light the way and I will follow. I don't want to lie through my teeth anymore, because that will only hurt people. I don't want to use the blessings You have given me to tear down people and to destroy their trust in me and in You. But I will need Your help, Father. Be with me, please.

And it doesn't just start on the surface Lord. The problem's all the way down at the bottom. I want Your cleansing Lord, I want the Spirit's searing fire to help me burn away all the wrongs, to go beyond the symptoms and heal me at the deepest level.

And I know I'm already on the road to healing. But sometimes it doesn't disappear overnight. Nothing ever will. Scars are left behind and footprints remain. But Lord help me have patience; bless me with the wisdom to wait and learn from You; not to take the easy way out and seek other options. Help me be a force of good for Your name.

It's good to know You're there. (: And that You've sent so many people to help me on my journey. I love You ttm.

In Jesus' name,

Amen.



---

Oh, my, GAWSH CHENGYI DANCING?! Way cool ;D ;D ;D

the i-heart revolution

You're the best.

---

Your love’s enough to see the broken hearts
Gain a brand new start with a brand new heart
As the faithful hope in things unseen
You’re enough to see all the things they dream
Come to life

We’re living in the Saviour today
And this day is what we have now
In this moment we have chosen to praise
And it’s changing how we live now

Your love it broke my fall
It’s more than enough and I need it
‘Cause I’ve never known better
And I’ll never know better

This love will see me soar
It’s more than enough and I need it
‘Cause I’ve never known better
And I’ll never know better

Your love’s enough to see the humbled man
Find the cause of Christ
With his outstretched hands
As the cripple grabs his mat to walk
You’re enough to save him from the pain he bore

My Saviour
You’ll never let me go
My life is now secure

My Saviour
You’ll never let me go
And in Your hands my future’s brighter



All the way for You, Father.

---

Today was.. nice. And I really appreciate you not freaking out. I made a good choice of a friend (:

Tomorrow's PE! YAY finally. Then church to slack.

I'll post again later, about devotion today. Hopefully, with God's grace nothing bad will happen again tonight ):

And I think it can only get better from here.

in/securities;

Zara you are major funny. (:

And thanks you guys. :D You know who you are.

---

Maybe I'm really a hypocrite. I talk about the Word to my friends, I try to be good around my friends and other people, but once I get home I degenerate into a useless and impatient kid; someone who can't take the smallest bit of injustice. Maybe it's because outside I can laugh it off and try to change, but at home it sticks. I'm not trying to shift the blame here, just reasoning with myself.

I don't want to be a hypocrite! Lord, help me please? I want to follow You 24/7. I don't want to just got to church on Sundays, pretend that everything is well and good, and then return to my old lifestyle. Help me change Father.

Teach me to fear You; to respect You; to follow You zealously. I want to learn, to really be a guy after Your heart Lord. I've been pampered and spoiled too much already. Jesus suffered so much on the cross just for us! He suffered injustice, He suffered discrimination, He suffered pain, He suffered on the CROSS. And He died for us. Why can't I take a bit of injustice from my parents or friends? Why do I become so defensive?

Lord, bless me please.

---

All of that was just wasted. Completely wasted.

I was sitting down to dinner with my parents. My mom asked me for the change, and I lied to her. OKAY I FREAKING ADMIT IT. I'm a horrible serial liar and NOTHING I say can be taken at face value! SO SPECULATE. I think I'd be much better off like that.

But then I'm trapped so I say I'm sorry, I go get the money back! And she feels hurt so she keeps on talking and talking and TALKING about it after I'd apologised and said sorry and TRIED to make up for it! But no, I threw away the receipt so everything I say is a lie. Maybe that's true. Maybe I'm always lying to myself, always lying to my friends, always lying to God. SO BE IT. I'm trying to change. I know so many of you who think so too.

And what made it all the more worse was my dad completely losing it and I felt so guilty! Which is something that I'd never felt before. And I felt that I'd said sorry and tried to make up for it so LOSING IT WON'T HELP. And it doesn't help that my brother is such a BLOCKHEAD.

And of course I need someone to talk to. You keep on saying that I should take it and take it and accept it BUT THERE'S A MAXIMUM. I'm not God, I never will be God. I can't just take it in and let it go! And you keep on talking about the ball of string and how it'll never be wound up again until years later. On and ON and ON. And I'm trying to move the conversation away from that because I thought that part had been agreed upon! But apparently I can never talk to you OR mom, because you'll just keep bringing back the conversation again, and again, and again.

You say you're a good listener! But maybe, just maybe sometimes good listening is all there is about it. LISTENING. Not interjecting with suggestions, no matter how good they may be. Just letting the other person go on and go on until he runs out of steam, and just AGREE with him until it's over. THEN YOU GIVE YOUR SUGGESTIONS.

It's mostly my fault, I KNOW THAT. I'm TRYING TO CHANGE. Even friends whom I've known for less than a YEAR can see that! But apparently it's just passing by your eyes, without acknowledgement. Do you realise how MUCH a BIT of positive encouragement can do? Something like saying a "good" because I did something for the church, for a friend, will go a really LONG WAY.

And sometimes it's just the way you try and solve things. We are so alike. We don't think before trying to solve it, we just follow our instincts and go through a knee-jerk reaction. BUT IT DOESN'T HELP IN ANY WAY.

I felt SO BAD when mommy said that she felt bad that my shoes were crappy. Because she didn't want me to be walking around like that! And I swear, I FELT BAD. But you know how they don't compound mistakes when you've already committed them?

And it's so HYPOCRITICAL. I'm a hypocrite, we've made that clear already. But I really cannot I REALLY CANNOT FREAKING BELIEVE that I'd just prayed to God to help me be more like Jesus, to take on some suffering. And it's like God is laughing at me! Because immediately after I finish the prayer THIS CRAP HAPPENS.

---

But I still believe in Him, in You, Lord! I don't know why I do so; but I know You're there! LISTEN TO ME PLEASE. Hear my cry for help. I really need some peace right now, I don't have many people to talk to and the people I'm supposed to depend upon the most for help aren't there! Lord why so many challenges day after day after day? Yesterday that thing happened. I thought it couldn't get much worse, the blog post was testimony to that. And after that, TODAY HAPPENED.

I don't know how much I can handle, Lord. I really don't. But all I can do is believe, because I KNOW YOU'RE THERE. You've done so much for me already! But I can't hear you I can't feel anything. I WANT TO CHANGE LORD. I REALLY DO. Help me?

I don't know what to say. I just don't. I just want to be with You Father. Just to speak to you without words. I know it doesn't make sense but Lord, You know what I mean! I need to get things out of my system but I'm never allowed to release it! Just take it off my shoulders Lord. Please. D:

And it's so sad, because I see people around me committing suicide and dying and all, and sometimes I honestly contemplate if that's the easy way out! But I'm scared of dying, and I know it's just wrong. So I try to find solace somewhere else. But nothing has worked so far.

And for some reason, for SOME REASON everything is making me revert back to my carnal self in sec 2 or sec 3. Small things that happen at home irritate me out of my skin. And I just don't want to go home, even though I have nowhere better to go. And Lord, I DON'T UNDERSTAND. I thought I was getting better, that my illness was slowly going away. But it's all come crashing down on me again, not just once in a while, but so much, so overwhelmingly frequent! LORD. PLEASE HELP ME.

You know, I actually feel better now. Not good though. I can't make a sad angry face now. It's taking too much effort. It's expressionless.

---

But really, a REALLY EARNEST prayer, from the depths of my heart.

Lord, please please help me with this hard time. I want to understand why You've put me here, why I have to sweat and toll under these kind of situations. I want a form of peace. I need Your help Father. Please light the way and show me the path to freedom.

And help my family. It's just wrong that I'm not looking to them for help, as though they're only here to sustain me physically. I thank You for giving me other outlets, friends who understand or who can listen to me and my mindless ranting. I really do. But there's so much, and Lord I need You.

Be with my parents too please. Every single time I watch a sad movie or something to do with death and loss, I think of them, of my close friends, of all the people whom I love. It's so hard to accept that You might call them to You anytime. And Lord I want to treasure them as much as possible. Teach me how, open my heart to Your Spirit Lord, and just reveal the way, Father, please.

And I don't know why nowadays I feel so violent! I just feel like HITTING somebody who makes me angry. Okay, not from outside my family, but especially Kenneth. And I don't know why I'm blocking my mother from hitting me, why I'm raising may hand against her.

I don't want to live this hypocritical, shallow, USELESS POINTLESS life anymore Lord. I don't want to only bring pain to the people around me, to bring worry to my parents. Change me from the inside out Father. I hope faith is enough, because that's all I have right now.

And I realise that this whole blogpost has been a prayer to You Lord. A cry to You for help. Asking and allowing You to do something IN me, to remain in Jesus. And I know You're seeing this right now, wherever You are, and You're taking notice, because You love me. Thank you Father. You'll never crush me under your palm, you're only bringing me to greater heights.

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

---

I just thought of this.

God thinks you're so much more awesome than i think you are ._.
and so really, he wouldn't want you to be unhappy over these things.
trust that things will change yeah?
just like let Him take the wheel then i'm sure things will be fine ._.
have faith as small as a mustard seed! :D
big enough to move a mountain(:

It's pneumonia. You don't deserve this ):

Lord, bless her and be by her side please? I want her to get well soon. And I'm really very worried about her.

Thank You Lord.

Amen.

//EDIT//

YAY IT'S NOT THAT SERIOUS. Mild to moderate severity only! Means she'll be back on her feet in no time (:

Praise God.

Useless mother? Maybe you finally realised. Oh wait, you were saying that in your never-ending sarcastic tone. How I wish I could swear in your face, but I'm not going to. It's just wrong.

Over less than a quarter of a bowl of chili. Just because I poured the wrong kind of chili, the salty kind instead of the sweet kind, you raise your voice at me. Maybe it's because you were worried. Maybe it's cause you were angry. I wouldn't know now, would I? So I was shocked, cause you shouted suddenly, just as I was sitting down for a peaceful dinner. And I reacted, as any normal person would. I got shocked, cause the chili looked exactly the same. I got shocked, cause you suddenly shouted. And I reacted. I raised my voice, yes, but only because I was shocked. And then you keep on going on about how it's WRONG of me to take the wrong chili by accident and use it! Like I used up all the chili in that bowl, because I thought there was another bowl of it. How the heck was I supposed to know they were different? They looked exactly the same.

And do you realise how SELFISH you sounded? "How you know I don't want that kind of chili? You should ask before you take it and pour, right?" in that stupid disgusting voice. I THOUGHT THEY WERE EXACTLY THE SAME. WHY ASK? I tell that to you right in your face, and you hit me three times with the hanger. You're my mother, yes, but sometimes there's a limit. There is always a limit.

So I stand up, block the hanger and death glare you. And you start daring me to slap you? You NEVER scream at Kenneth, you NEVER hit him. EVER. Why do you have to hit me? He's ten, twenty, FIFTY times worse than me. But you NEVER call him a dog. You HARDLY curse at him. I guess that's what a mother's for, isn't it? Hah. You said I was shouting. I showed you shouting. I showed you how much of a difference there is. Please. I'm not stupid.

My voice is irritating? HAHA. That must be the most bloody HILARIOUS comment I've heard so far this year. Look at yourself first, you fool. You taught me when I was younger and when I was always losing my temper, "Nobody can make you get angry. You choose to get angry!" And now you break those words. What am I supposed to learn from that? That saying means NOTHING to you. And you're just hypocritical. HAHA. Even more paradoxical that you call me a hypocrite. In what way am I a hypocrite? I'm only a hypocrite because you're one, and everything I've learnt from you I've realised is just a facade.

But I've known this all along. I've been suffering and suffering, sure, there are some times which are really enjoyable. And I treasure those moments. But there have always been more bad moments than good ones. Why do you think I turn to friends from church and to God all the time, and never look to you? Why is it I feel so much more comfortable doing my work in church, hanging around in church? Why would I rather go out with my friends than spend quality time with you? Do not, DO NOT BLAME THE CHURCH for that. God has done nothing wrong, my friends have done nothing wrong. Maybe partially I've been making mistakes, making the wrong decisions. But the way you handle things; they never make things better, you realise? It only serves to compound the problem.

The next time someone takes something by accident I'm going to scream at them. Because that's what you do, isn't it?

I caused you to be like that? I don't know what's wrong with you? YES I DON'T. I DO NOT KNOW. And I really want to find out. If I ever raise my voice again, you'll slap me until I vomit? I hope you try.

I can't believe that I went for dinner just immediately after quiet time. I'd just asked God to help me grow up loving His word, living His Word and leading by His Word. I asked him for a pure and true heart in following Him. I asked Him to soften my heart so that I may hear Him better.

Was that all in vain? Lord, I know You're out there! And I'm desperate. I really am. I don't want this to continue; I've had enough of it. Have the prayers this past week been all for naught? Prayers for repentance, for cleansing, for HELP, for PEACE, for direction! Is this supposed to help me along? Give me some extra push?

I don't get it.

---

Lord, please, please, PLEASE BE WITH ME. I really need you now Lord. I've said everything just now, and there really isn't much more. I could type it all out again, but You know all of this already, Lord. And I've said again and again, I WANT TO CHANGE. I WANT TO STOP LIVING THIS STUPID FOOLISH PRETENTIOUS SHALLOW LIFE. I WANT TO BE A GOOD PERSON, FOR YOU AND LIKE YOU.

She thinks I want to cause her death. She calls me a dog for everything. I can't help but take offense at this! My heart is poisoned because I go to church? Why does she blame You like so, Father? I love her, I love You, and I don't want the two of you to be so distant! What has caused her to be so hard-hearted, Father?

Lord, help me please. I don't know what else to do now, I've tried everything. I've tried complying, but it never is enough. There's always some fault which is magnified under her glare. I've tried ignoring everything and getting on with life, and that's never worked, only serving to prolong the situation. I've tried confronting it! Reasoning with her, arguing with her, shouting at her in a vain attempt to get her attention and let her REALISE. But nothing has worked and I'm really totally out of ideas. Lord, help me please.

I'm degenerating right under Your watch Lord. I've never felt this bitter since last year, when I hardly knew You and I didn't have faith, only so-called friendships. But You've shown Yourself to me Lord, I know You have. And I know You'll always help us, help me pull through when we think we can't take it anymore. And You'll never set me a challenge too great.

But Lord, the challenges are always too great without You by my side. I know You're there Father. I know You're listening. Please give me a sign?

Even if You don't, I'll keep on believing, cause that's the only possible thing I can do now Father. You're there and You always will be. (:

I don't get it Lord. Are we moving closer and closer to another disastrous and dark time as Jeremiah has foreseen? The H1N1 pandemic is getting worse, Xu Qin might have gotten it. I pray that she hasn't Lord. I really want her to get to know You. She wants to too. And I just find her a great person, one who'd become magnificent for Your Name, Lord. Be with her, bless her please?

And then there're all the troubles in our lives. Friendships tearing asunder, families arguing and falling apart, constant struggles amongst our everyday lives and in these struggles, some of us are lost to You Lord. SHOW US THE WAY I PRAY.

I don't know if my heart is true. I hope to You it is, Lord. If it isn't, show me how to make it true; help me do that.

I want to thank you Lord, thank you for all the blessings I've had. I want to thank you for my brothers and sisters in Christ, who I know I can depend on whatever the trouble. I thank you for Cheng Yi, for Eddie, for Rachel Koh, for Rachel Ong, for Stephanie, for Xu Qin, for Delane, for Kyle, for Veronica, for Zara, for so many people Lord!

I love You, I love them, I love my parents. Teach me and mould me and make me, please. I lift up all my troubles and sins to You, to do whatever You want with them. HELP ME UNDERSTAND

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

---

Don't blame you guys for anything that goes wrong, blame myself, cause I'm stupid? Thanks mom. I knew I could depend on you for something like that.

---

And here I've finished my rant. I've torn out all the bad feelings I have and I've given them up to the Lord. I've declared my desire, my need to be changed. I hope that's enough for now, because I really don't know what else there is.

When everything's turned to dust, and nothing else exists, You'll still be there. I have faith in that promise.

I found this on the comments page of Break Free by Hillsong United on Youtube.
Luke 6:37 (New King James Version)
37 Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

Is this part of the answer, Lord?



---

Devotional today;

Today when you hear His voice, don't harden your hearts (Hebrews 4:& NIV)

Okay. I'll just do it quickly cause the whole load is up there.

Lord, I want to grow in You, Lord. I want to grow up loving Your Word, living Your Word and leading by Your Word Father. Show me how to do this please? Help me break free from the attractions of shortcuts and escape routes; help me come to my senses and see that there is really only one way to come to know You better. Steer me away from the traps of so-called "transformation" that will cause me to forget about true personal repentance.

And Lord, bless me with the ears to hear You, the eyes to see Your works, the mouth to spread Your Word. When You call Lord, I want to hear you. Be with me and help me not be half-hearted, not to turn a deaf ear, not to criticise and attack and analyse, but to believe and trust in Your Word and my leaders. Soften my heart for the work of Your Spirit,

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

repentance;

Whee today was fun. (: I'm glad I didn't spend the whole day doing nothing but play.

Morning, slacked about, played a lame game which you don't wanna know, before going to Vivo for filming for Social Studies doc. We've got a BILLION bloopers. ;D And LOL the hammer game at the arcade there was just champion. :D Broke the highscore what, three times? HAHA.

Then train all the way back to Pasir Ris to meet up with Clarice, Yong Jie, Veron and Anne. SUPPOSED to watch a movie but there were only three! And all the tickets for the shows were sold out -.- So yeah, we WANTED to go to Kbox, but the only room available next was at 5.30 -.- So in the end, arcade! HAHA. And slacking at Nebo. Truth and dare rocks.

Then Anne and Veron had to leave and Yong Jie left so Clarice stoned for half an hour before we went to find Hong Yee and Rachel Ng where they gave me a nice ride home. Clarice and Deon are completely perfect for each other and provide great entertainment. I'm sure Rachel Ng would totally agree with me ;D

Anyway, yes, I am horribly behind time on homework. ): God, give me strength to be focused and not neglect my homework! D:

---

I'm really sorry for doubting you. I never should have questioned your friendship cause you've always been there for me. Thanks (:

---

QT today was about repentance, hence the title. I'm honestly sick and tired of living a pretentious and superficial life. And the devotional just hit home. I want to be a good person, to be a good friend, to be a good kid.

And I realise that we always go to church and listen to the Word, but for some reason it never sticks? Like we always continue to doubt God even though we know we should have faith. Like yesterday I was feeling emo about you-know-what and I was doubting my friends and God and everything, and before that in the morning I had just shared about how we should know God's always there listening to us, even though we might not feel His presence or acknowledge that He is working. It makes me feel so hypocritical.

But I guess that's what it's about, isn't it? Making mistakes and discovering them again and again and over again, so we can understand even better. :D

So,

Lord, I don't want to live in this kind of shallow, pretentious lifestyle anymore. I want to change. I don't want to lie as often as I drink water. I don't want to neglect my work, my duties. I don't want to continue going on like this. I want to change. Help me please, heavenly Father.

And Lord, I may not even know many of the things that I have done wrong. But You will definitely know where I've come short, where I've slipped up. And I pray that You'll show me these things so that I may repent. Or that You'll work in my life and change me for the better.

Why is it I hardly ever hear You, Lord? Is it because I'm not listening hard enough? Lord, help me discern Your voice above the worldly noises, help me hear Your Word. And bless me with the ability to not commit a past mistake over and over again Father. Strengthen my faith in You.

And Lord just help me be a better person, a better friend, and better student. D: I don't think I've been doing enough and I can't do this on my own. But with You by my side, everything's possible!

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

:D

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Back to school tomorrow, ):

At least there isn't anything after school so I can slack in a library or something. HAHA.

Oh, oh, omg. I still have to pray for a couple more things!

YOUTH SUNDAY. Lord, bless this event, please? I really really want it to be a success, partially cause it's my first time ever attending something like this and partially cause Xu Qin's going for it. I really want her to experience Your presence (: And Lord, bless the voices of the worship leaders, Cheng Yi and Daniel Chia and anyone else who is playing that day. Bless the dancers, Pei Ming, Melissa, Wen Ya, Victoria, Clarice. Bless the ushers on that day, Steph and Anne to name a few. Be with them as they praise Your name Lord. :D

And, HILLSONGS CONCERT. Lord, I've been for two concerts before this. Both times have been completely exhilarating experiences in which I've felt Your presence move hundreds of people. Lord, bless the Hillsongs band as You always have, and may they bring the house down in Your name Father. :D

In Jesus' name,
Amen.

:D Yay. I'm sure they'll both own. Totally.

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There's a vid on facebook of people burning a Bible. JUST because they're for abortion. Just because the Bible says abortion is wrong. So it's the Bible's fault; it's God's fault that killing innocent souls is wrong? Think about it. Think of the child's silent scream as the fetus is being sucked, being vacuumed out of its own mother's womb. Think of the pain and the agony of the baby as it's body is first, deprived of it's warm and fluid conditions, and secondly, as it is torn apart piece by piece to be sucked into the vacuum and to be thrown away as junk.

What CRAP. How the CRAP does BURNING THE BIBLE solve any of this! You guys can do WHATEVER you want. But nobody is EVER going to be turned for abortion just because you burn the Bible. If anything, it'll only cause people to be anti-abortion, you useless fools. Think before you act, really.

And of course, you're all going to hell. Good luck bargaining with the Father once you're down there suffering till you rot, and still continue suffering.

God, guide these people please? The world really needs You now, before another apocalypse comes along.

For those of you who WANT to be disgusted, here.

Never mind. It's a bit too overwhelming already.

god-trading scheme

so I long for You, O God. I thirst for God, the living God (Psalm 42:1-2)

Yay. Youth Sunday is in one week! Heavenly father, I pray that You'll intercede this event and bless it Lord, bind all evil spirits that may plan to spoil the day in Jesus' name and throw them out. I pray for the blood of Jesus Christ to anoint the church where the youth will spread their exuberance and liveliness to the people around us. I also pray that You'll bless the dance and worship team as they seek to praise Your name, O Lord.

Lord I also admit that I've not completely followed Your ways and I've sometimes turned to false idols, like public opinion and ambition. Lord, I pray that You'll draw me back into Your presence, search me and bring me deeper into You, Lord. I want to go back to the Fountain of Living Water.

And just one sentence. Lord, help me be more like Daniel. Let me be trustworthy, stop me from being negligent, and guide me.

In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.



;D

Today was taekwondo grading whee. Like, I got it correct so I should pass HAHA. But Ken.. might not have the same happy ending =\

And leading sg today was a great experience! ;D Although yeah a few people weren't paying attention. (ahem.) BUT I hope everyone else who was took back something. And I hope that I didn't do too badly (: Thanks you guys; you guys rock ;D

Just did QT, it's such a revealing experience. Revealing about my own failings, about what we've been doing wrong, about what God wants. I don't think I'll ever regret choosing to fast. (:

Oh gosh, tomorrow's Youth Day. And I have completely nothing to do. ): Hopefully I can find a group of bored people by tonight. ;D Yay.

And, on a back-to-earth note,

You. Yes, you, I wanna talk. Like, I somehow feel I'm not that close to you anymore. I really don't know why. I guess this is what happens when you're like close to people from different groups. Oh well. Talk to me okay? I hope you know who you are. (:

architect of nations

Okay I only got the booklet today, so I'll start from today! :D Started fasting a couple of days ago though, from the 1st. It must be said that being hungry the whole afternoon isn't that great a feeling, but when the going gets tough, look to God. ;D

Okay here we go.

Speech is a wonderful gift from God. Words have power. Words can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences. (Proverbs 18:21 NLT)

Main part that struck me during quiet time today; our tongue. How do I sound? Most of the time, chances are that I'm talking down on others, insulting them, laughing at them, belittling them. Why do I do so when I don't want others to do so to me?

Lord, I want to say sorry for using the mouth and the tongue You have given me to sin. I realise that it's mean and wrong for me to attack other people about faults that I might be guilty of myself.

I submit my tongue to You, heavenly Father. Cleanse it, bind all the evil spirits at work and drive them out in Jesus' name Lord; stop me and close my mouth when temptation arises for me to sin with my mouth. Use it for Your purposes Lord, to spread Your Word and to do Your Will. I submit myself, Your creation, as Your mouthpiece and instrument. Help me never to be ashamed of You Lord, and to bless others through You.

Lord, bless the devices You have given me with Your grace Lord, and touch my lips with the Sword of the Spirit and put inside my heart the prayer of faith, to have never-wavering faith in You in times of adversity and distress.

In Jesus' name, I pray, Amen.

Okay! :D I find doing this really very fulfilling, and I've never done it before, so I'm really learning a lot of new stuffs (: Praise Him!

Anyway, grah I can't find my homework file! Of I don't find it I'm complete dead meat bleah D: So totally gonna search every nook in church tomorrow for it ): EVERYTHING IS IN THERE D:

Today rocked haha, it was seriously fun. Biology especially, HAHA. A Indian condom advertisement?! Crazy hahahhahaha. And then English and Lit passed by in a blur, as it always does, cause it's so engaging. Hee, I think AQ's going to be relatively easy. Compared to Chinese compo at least XD

And I'm really glad you're okay Xu Qin. (: You honestly nearly freaked me out yesterday, but yeah you're back in action! Take care okay? Don't make so many people worried about you luhh ;D

And thanks everyone who prayed for her. :D You guys rock.

Gonna go do something really really lame now, you don't wanna know what it is. So yeah, seeya later! For the time being, HILLSONGS :D (Partially related to QT, TOTALLY related to 25th July ;D)

Okay haiz. Today has to be the earliest I have gotten home from school. Oh well.

PE today was epic fun, lol. Handball-like game with a smaller lighter ball and a smaller goal. Definitely had fun. But apparently next week we're back to rock-climbing =\

I scored a header during soccer! Okay, maybe it was super easy luh, but still! I scored a header! Whee.

Today don't have much homework ;D English Graphic Organiser, here I come grrr.

Okay. Let's make a list and hope it works:

Physics Magnetohydrodynamic Report (Other factors)

Physics Worksheet I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO D:

Chemistry Worksheets/Assignment

English Book Club Book

English Graphic Organizer for Learning Direction FINALLY.

Literature Peer Teaching

Math Performance Task (Applications of Differentiation)

Math Assignments 6A/B

6 Chinese Practice Papers

5 English Comprehensions

Social Studies Script For Documentary

Chinese Research Project Pictures

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Okay that's that for now. At least I've got two done! Rawr. I really need to speed up. Up next, physics worksheets.

I realise all my blog posts nowadays are all super boring, mainly cause of school haiz.

Oh well.

There's nothing to talk about anyway!

Oh oh, first day of fast went pretty well. I didn't have lunch lol, so I'm like, a bit hungry now. Bleah. But it's a good thing. (: I forgot to pick up the prayer guide from church! Gotta get it this coming week D:

Gosh I keep on remembering I have so much work and I'm not bothering to do it :O And oh gosh track and field championships are coming up. Snap. Gotta go get sign ups. (:

PE tomorrow! Another hour and a half of pure soccer heh.

I shall endeavor to do SOME work now. Especially house stuff. =\