Poem:
Youtube will not last life long
If all the videos are gone
From a little stupid rule
All of this happening just ain't cool
I thought it was a place for fun
Entertainment for everyone
Now these companies are barging in
Tearing up the site like it belongs to them
Threatening Youtube for having their songs
Can't we all just get along?
Removed every video left and right
Almost everything on their site
If theres just one thing I hate
Its all those mother beeping copyrights!

---

OMG NIGAHIGA LOL.

Yay Bio was tricky but good. I hope. xD

The new math teachers is crazy! In a good way. He's like, faster than Mrs. Tan omg please D:

Tuition soon! Ttyl. ): I don't like cheena.

Wait, wait. Quickie birthday post.

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ELLE. Happy birthday yo! It's been great knowing you, you wacky crazy high-most-of-the-time person. Hope you aren't getting destroyed by school haha. Life ain't bad when you're only sec 2, no? Enjoy it while you can. :D Very soon you'll be old LIKE ME D: Bad thing.

Anyway, continue being the retarded in a good way person you are! And yeah, don't stress too much over school. IT'S ONLY SEC 2. Have you decided on your subject combination? xD

Once again, happy birthday you. Hang out soon :D

---

Okay that's it. I'm outta here.

Is everybody going crazy? Is anybody gonna save me?

---

I know there is. (:

Today was fun! And I'm so happy with my goalkeeping. Okay, maybe not with my shot stopping at the moment? But 1 on 1s are nice right now. Oh and I scored a goal while outfield! YAY. Jasdeep can head really well now o-o.

Haiz other than soccer today was really boring ): Biology test on Thursday! Must mug omg, haha. And Ms. Huang let us off like twenty minutes early so they grabbed a quick lunch (me only grabbing a bite for sustenance =\) before going to gym. Gosh, my calves are freaking big. And totally unglam. ):

---

Oh well. Looking forward to the weekend. Piano showcase! Grrr.

Lord be with me! :D And remind me to do my devotions diligently D:

---

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMANDA TEO :D

It's been great knowing you since TOFU last year. Haha, although the starting wasn't that smooth what with all our differences during the planning, but yeah I'm glad we got over that. Continue growing in the Lord! Don't mug too much for Os yeah, it never helped anyone. (:

Not saying you should slack off. xD Take care jiayou!

I know it's a day late, but oh well! I didn't have use of the computer yesterday =\ SORRY MAN.

---

HILLSONGS TOTALLY OWNED.

I shall quote Pastor Judah Smith a couple of lines (:

"Sex, is beautiful."

"God made sex, God wanted us to have pleasure, God wanted us to enjoy ourselves."

"I am experienced in sex. I do it all the time!"

"But I am married, and I have a wedding ring to prove it. So don't hate me."

LOL. But wait, there's more!

He quotes A BUG'S LIFE! How coool is that, omg!

And and and, talking about his first date,

"So I had prepared this huge long speech to pop the question to her. Not THE question, but the question. So I stopped. And she stopped. (While walking on a trail up to the waterfall) I stared at her. She stared back. And instead of starting on that long speech, all that came out was, "Pastor Jude said I could hold your hand."

EPIC FAIL.

And,

"When I touched her hand, it was THE most exhilarating experience I have ever had. Like, explosions, you know! Now, you guys might be thinking, 'Oh, it's only holding hands. WHAT THE BIG DEAL? HOLDING HANDS?!' But to someone who has only held two girls' hands in his entire life, (my mom's and sister's) it's a pretty big deal! Imagine you're sixteen and you're in the mall holding your mom's hand. It's embarrasing! It's degrading!"

HAHHAHAHAH HE IS GOD-BLESSED GENIUS :D

Too bad so few people from PMC went. ): But oh well I HAD A GREAT TIME PRAISING THE LORD.

THE SOLUTION.

It is not a human right
To stare not fight
While broken nations dream
Open up our eyes, so blind
That we might find
The Mercy for the need

Singing, Hey now
Fill our hearts with your compassion
Hey now
As we hold to our confession
Yeah

It is not too far a cry
To much to try
To help the least of these
Politics will not decide
If we should rise
And be your hands and feet

Singing, Hey now
Fill our hearts with your compassion
Hey Now
As we hold to our confession

Woah-oh-oh,
God be the solution
Woah-oh-oh
We will be Your hands and be Your feet.
Yeah, yeah

Higher than a circumstance
Your promise stands
Your love for all to see
Higher than protest line and dollar signs
Your love is all we need

Only You can mend the broken heart
And cause the blind to see
Erase complete the sinners past
And set the captives free
Only You can take the widows cry
And cause her heart to sing
Be a Father to the fatherless
Our Savior and our King
We will be Your hands, we will be Your feet
We will run this race
On the darkest place, we will be Your light
We will be Your light

We will be Your hands , we will be Your feet
We will run this race for the least of these
In the darkest place, we will be your light
We will be your light
We'll sing

Woah-oh-oh,
God be the solution
Woah-oh-oh
We will be Your hands and be Your feet.

Woah-oh-oh,
God be the solution
Woah-oh-oh
We will be Your hands and be Your feet.
Yeah, yeah

We will run we will run
We will run with the solution [2x]

We will be Your hands we will be Your feet
We will run this race for the least of these
In the darkest place we will be Your light
We will be Your light
We sing

---

And TAKE IT ALL. With a splash of Spanish.



<3 God, <3 His people.

---

Haiz I'm going to totally fail tomorrow's math test. Like, I'm totally dieded at differentiation. Oh well. God will pull through. And I'll have to work extra hard.

---

LIVERPOOL 5 - 0 SINGAPORE

Kristian Nemeth 2 goals, Torres 1, Kuyt 3 assists!, Riera 1, Pacheco 1! I totally love Liverpool to bits. Although Singapore didn't play too bad either for the first hour! :D Future's looking good.

TORRES PWNS YOU. TEEHEE. DOUBLE-PWN.

---

Cheers! I'm feeling weirdly emo today.

Why do I feel that the exact same thing you've been complaining about is happening to you?

It's much better now. (: thank you so much everyone who was there for me.

And I promise I'll get better. I already was, but I guess it wasn't enough just yet.

God help me live in fear of You, of consequences, of anger.

---

Hillsongs tomorrow! OMG YAY it's finally here. (: Can't wait for it, maybe there's something in the sermon that could help me.

And those of you out there who're wondering why I can sound so happy after having such a thing happen to me -- it's because this time, there were people there for me, reassuring me, supporting me, showing care for me. And that made most of the difference. Of course, my parents were also understanding. Pissed and worried, yes, but understanding. I love all of you.

And I love the best dad in the whole world. Thank You God!

I can't wait to praise Your Name tomorrow.

---

Okay I'm not going to stay up late today. After this, piano, dinner, a book/english comprehension. Let's go.

---

And I'm back in business. But I've changed jobs; from harbinger to hoper.

I can do everything through Him who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13)

and the climax;

At least it's going back uphill from here. Sure, there are the consequences I have to face, but well. Part and parcel of life; some are just a bit worse than the others.

But I'm more worried about my parents. And my future. Don't ask me why I didn't think of this when I was angry and losing it. Because you don't THINK when you're angry. You just DO. And that sucks.

But we're already in shit trouble. And we're running out of savings. So if I lose my scholarship... haiz, I'll have to quit RI luh. No help for it. ): Not to mention the worry and the anxiety I cause them. ): And what will happen if this goes onto my blacklist! Freak man.

So it happened like this luh. I was already irritated with the way Benn and Wendi were treating me; like how I wasn't doing anything and that I contributed nothing to the project and how I didn't go for the project meeting and how I always missed my deadlines. Which really was unfair! Because I did the original storyboard; I came up with two out of four parts of the script; I went for two out of three interviews; I was the narrator. And just because I didn't turn up for ONE meeting, they felt it was unfair and that I didn't do anything.

And I tried to point that out to them today! And they're all, "The questions you came up for the interview were SHIT" and "We aren't even using the narration anymore" and "You said you're going to do street interviews, why you never do?" Let's get this clear. They were not shit, they were perfectly relevant to the issue. It's not my fault that you don't want to use the narration, I did work for it. And finally, I never said I was going to do a street interview; I said I was going to try and organize an interview with someone, which didn't go through.

And so they keep on being unfair to me, totally unfair to me. So maybe I did slack off sometime. So maybe I did have some faults. But was everything ME? No, I highly doubt it.

So I lose it. I wanted to lose it three, four times before I actually did but somehow I managed to walk away and chill for a bit before going back. But after Wendi wanted to fight with me and then said, "I'm not going to waste my time arguing with you." That was it. I can tell you how much I wanted to hit him then. But I contained the anger, and then walked out the last time.

Before losing every single shred of self-control I had left. Chair hits the plastic window. And then next thing I know, my leg's halfway through the shattered glass window, I'm pulling it away and hyperventilating my brains out, shouting at the top of my voice to nobody in particular and not even realizing that I'd cut myself in ten different places.

So Mr. Kwok comes in. And the rest is history. Long talk about how I should try to control my anger better (I have been trying, I swear!) And about the possible consequences.

And of course, me telling my parents. They didn't really scream at me? I think they're more worried about like, how they're going to deal with this situation when the school calls them tomorrow. ): I really didn't mean for this to happen, dad and mom. I really didn't. I never wanted to bring all my troubles in school unto you, because I know how much worries you already have without mine adding onto them.

But it's turned out like that, through God's Will. And quite wonderfully, I didn't even stop to ask God WHY He did that. I just... started praying the moment I had the window of opportunity.

---

Father, I didn't mean for this to happen. I never wanted it to happen. But it has, through either Your Will or my sinful choice. My parents think that You are there just to save me when I get into trouble; that it's Your fault because I get into trouble. Like my mom said, "Why this happen to you? As a test is it? If so, then I don't want a God like this." And Lord of course I know this is a test. And yet I continue to follow You faithfully, I don't understand.

But so much of Your ways are hard to understand, Father. I don't know if that's good, or if that's bad. But Father I'm sorry I did this. I'm sorry I lost my temper, I lost You even for that short period of time. I'm sorry I'm causing so much worry and self-accusation to my parents. I wasn't thinking; but that's no excuse.

Forgive me, Dad. Safeguard me, bless the school with the ability to forgive. I don't want this to enter my blacklist, I don't want my scholarship to be revoked. My parents are already so worried, don't give them more burden Father.

I never want this to happen again. I feel so SO guilty. And that feeling is horrible. Lord, mom says You can't even save me, but I know that's completely not true. You can do that. But we just don't see it right now. Lord open up our hearts and our minds and our eyes and ears!

And Father reignite the faith in my parents' hearts. Restart the fire from the dying embers within their soul. It destroys me to see them, to hear them say that they're helpless, that they can't do anything. If they can't do anything, who can?

But sometimes extremes aren't the answer anyway, are they Father? Like not going to church at all? Like seeking a professional whom I'm not even comfortable with? Lord, give them the blessing of discernment and wisdom, and help me learn to accept help when I need it.

I don't want to lose You, Father. I never did. But I always used to feel that You aren't there! But today I felt You were there by my side immediately after I lost it, immediately after I'd calmed down. Thank You Father.

I guess I have to face the consequences huh, Dad. Be with me okay? I love You.

---

Haiz. The music's on it's way. And I can't do anything but accept it. I just hope it isn't too bad. Will they give leniency for a mentally-unstable person? ):

I just.. I guess the worst thing that I fear will happen is that I'll lose my friends luh. Whoever hasn't seen this side of me before, and all of a sudden it comes boiling out. Don't go away okay? I need you guys. ):

---

I love you mom and dad. Don't worry so much about me, although I probably deserve it.

---

How the hell did we wind up like this
Why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables

I wish you'd unclench your fists
And unpack your suitcase
Lately there's been too much of this
Dont think its too late

Nothin's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will

Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when

Well i hoped that since we're here anyway
We could end up saying
Things we've always needed to say
So we could end up stringing
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Lets rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a hollywood horror

Nothin's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will

Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)

---

But it's never too late to apologize. And make up for the better. Because that's what God's there for. Reignite my parents' faith won't You, Lord?

Just a short email conversation for now.

Benn Chua --

HEY _ _ _ _ _, if you don't care about the social studies project as you said, well, then don't bother about your marks too.
Afterall we are almost done. (My group is almost done)

Me --

Screw you la. I never said I don't care about the SS project. I said I
don't care about your STUPID comments when I actually wanted to do
something. It wasn't my fault that you informed me of a meeting so
late that I had scheduled something else weeks before. It's not my
fault you guys are such idiots that when I want to go for the rest of
the meeting you say "No it's okay, never mind don't come".

And to be honest, I didn't do anything wrong before that. Who was the
one who volunteered to speak? Who was the one who turned up for all
the original meetings? I didn't see you guys being idiots towards
Wendi, did I?

And immediately after I miss one project meeting BECAUSE YOU INFORMED
ME SO LATE, you start being total asses to me. Where the hell is the
rationale behind that? Not to mention continually making fun, it's
damn freaking irritating.

So don't you DARE say I didn't volunteer to do anything, or didn't do
what I was told. Because I did all that. And it's your blindness
that's to blame here; not my lack of work ethic. You didn't tell me a
SINGLE thing about ANY project meetings after that Sunday. What the
hell? I even went for the two interviews which you missed. And you're
saying I didn't do anything; that I'm the redundant one?

---

Screw you, really. Screw you. Fools.

---

I'm not going to do any random diary today. Today has a point.

I actually enjoy physics! At least now I understand everything lol. And it's quite easy when you get down to it. And integration is finally coming together too. Woot.

Chem practical tomorrow, zzz. I hope I don't screw up, I really can't afford that now.

Managed to do my whole devotion in school! Although there were maybe a couple of interruptions, but yeah. I loved that time. (:

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Be back soon, heh.